Pei - I know that took a lot of stregnth to post what you just did. I also know that a big part of why you might not have posted this information earlier was because this is a board for people who essentially want thier marriage to work - they are "standing".
But the plain and simple truth is that we are all at our weakest right now in our lives and we just want someone to think about US for a change. I am doing it right now...talking to another guy. He puts a smile on my face from ear to ear just thinking about him. But I am really using him just to make myself feel better.I know this. I also know that deep down I really want this attention from my H.
Someone will get hurt, and it will be me. Again. Why does life have to be so complicated?
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Don't get me wrong. I believe in standing. I believe that it is the only way to truly start this process. I believe that it showed me strength I didn't know I had.
Originally Posted By: TAMF
I also know that deep down I really want this attention from my H.
^^^ This wasn't true for me.
My advice, based on what you've written above...
Stop. Now.
But you know this already. You are CHOOSING not too.
WHY?
Oh, and have you considered that it might not be you that gets hurt? Do you really want to be responsible for hurting someone else? That's not guilt ... it's a straightforward question.
Our lives are as complicated as we make them.
CHOICES.
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Congrats on living authentically. I know it is not easy.
I think deep down I remain a stander - today. God gave me the strength to do it. No one else (friends and family) know this is my objective - they just know my feelings about divorce.
You are further ahead than I am - but 28 years of a relationship with this person and realizing all that I have given of myself and all that I have become - good and bad - prevent me from seeking another relationship. I am beginning to want a relationship with myself and a stronger one with my kids.
I found myself laughing the other day because in one of H's tirades before he left he said he "didn't want to be accountable - he wanted freedom" - now he's in a relationship and I am free:) Funny...
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I am beginning to want a relationship with myself and a stronger one with my kids.
I am free:)
Congrats to you Irish ... you sound the best you ever have. FWIW, I'm proud of you. I am sure there were days you didn't think you'd get here.
No one promised me easy. So here I am, learning all I can and pushing forward. Living authentically is the only choice I have.
I am open to the idea of a new relationship. And, contrary to what y'all might be thinking, I am actually open to the idea that it really could be anyone ... theoretically even H. Life is for the living, and that's just what I'm doing
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Pie, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your posts today. Sometimes I get to wondering why I'm still here, long past any 'deadline' I set when this started.
I wonder too - should I go find someone new and just start over? But I know that I have only begun my 'work' and I would only end up getting hurt. More than likely I would hurt someone else too.
For now, I know I'm not ready for any R, not even one with my own H. I still love my H and want him to come home, but I need space from him right now. I need time to heal and pick up the pieces.
For now, I know I'm not ready for any R, not even one with my own H. I still love my H and want him to come home, but I need space from him right now. I need time to heal and pick up the pieces.
^^^ Very wise Zen. Very, very wise.
Keep on truckin' PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Sweetie, you are my kinda girl. For a lot of reasons, but mostly because you are human - real. In Brooklyn, if you aint real, you aint in.
One of the most important things we can learn from all this is to take the time to think things through. To really and truly take a deep breath and look into our hearts.
So, I hope that you in an ok place. I hope that you really and truly know how special you are.
All of the stuff that happens are life lessons if we choose to see it.
As long as you remain true to yourself, you cannot go wrong.
Judge not lest ye be judged. My motto. I applaud the courage it took for you to post what you did. And the other guy. Hey, we're only human and we need love and hugs and companionship as well as the next guy.
Things will work out as they should. They always do.
Back at cha B-lady. I might not be from Brooklyn, but I'm startin' to think I'd do ok ...
Originally Posted By: Brooklyn
So, I hope that you in an ok place. ... All of the stuff that happens are life lessons if we choose to see it. ... As long as you remain true to yourself, you cannot go wrong.
I'm in a good place. An honest place. A real place. It's not pain free ... but it's my life, and it's beautiful and full of promise.
Ah ... the lessons ... it's why we make mistakes, why we face challenges ... can you imagine how boring, how useless it would be to be born perfect and never make mistakes? What would be the point of living if we weren't learning?
I hope so B ... that's my plan
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
