I'm going to hijack your thread here and respond to some of Rachael's points.
Quote: All day my H was distant and I was pretty tweaked out about it thinking he's pulling away from me and at any given time he was going to tell me he just couldn't do this anymore. It's thoughts like this that turn me into a big ball of anxiety, and I get all nervous and scared inside. It's kinda like the feeling that you get when the bomb is dropped. We're waiting for it to happen again. Why do we do this T2?
IT is SOOO easy to fall into this trap, especially earlier on, closer to the bombs...but that thought does still come occasionally (CJ layed on the couch looking rather "down" to me...and I did think...what is he thinking about...is he unhappy here?....before I STOPPED that train of thought!)
And that's kind of the key. To RECOGNIZE when you're doing this to yourself and stop it. CHOOSE to believe a more rational/kind explanation.
You said he had a headache...viola! I am NOT myself nor chatty and personable when my head is pounding.
Last time CJ was feeling under the weather, acting odd and I was uncertain about it all I just ASKED...Is it just that you're sick or is there something else? Nope, just sick.
Anxiety has been my daily partner for several years, ladies, (and I mean clinical Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and it was SUCH a relief when the combination of exercise, meditation, practising thought stopping, medication and much personal growth...it is better than it's been in YEARS.
You are right of course SB. I am seeing the glass half empty instead of half full. My H is really trying, it's just not fast enough for me. He did say I could count on him to be faithful and not cheat on me. HMMMMM. The jury is still out on that one folks. I have not yet come to the place where I trust him. I'm not sure I will until he commits to coming home, and then it will still be hard. The only time he would have to see her is during the day because he's with me every night. I can't imagine any woman settling for that, knowing he's with his wife and family every night. Maybe he is telling the truth. I think we have to talk about it more for me to get it out of my system, but I don't think now is the time for R talks. I am projecting BIG time. This distance thing-I think my attitude plays a big part. If I even THINK he's distancing, I react. I'm not "acting as if" very well right now. The thing is, he's hangin in there with me. There are things I wish he'd do-like call me more, reassure me that things are ok, be more effectionate, yadda, yadda, yadda. All the usual stuff we all want more of. He used to be ALL over me sexually,and that is still good between us, but he does not desire it as much as he used to. I guess I should just be thankful he wants me. I don't think he is with OW sexually. If anything he's just talking to her. He says he's not doing that and has not for a long time. Another HMMMMMM. It's good to know I'm not the only one on here with major anxiety disorder. It haunts me daily. I've battled it since the day he first left, and take medication for it, but it only helps so much. It really is so very wearing, and I wish I knew how to get rid of it. SB, you say you do things for yours that has helped. Please tell me more about it! I so want to be free from it. And BTW, you are right about the headache. When he does not have one he is much better. This house is so quiet. This house does not feel like a home to me anymore. My D's house feels more like home because there is family there all the time. We all go down there and hang out with them. I love seeing my grandson and twin baby grandaughters all the time. They are the light in my life. This time of year I always think about where I'll be this time next year. I've always done that for some reason. If I'm still in the same place we are now, I'll not stay there long. It's TOO trying, and I've been doing this TOO LONG already. The only thing that keeps me going is I can't imagine my life without my H in it. I just can't. Rachael
T2, Hope you had a nice weekend! It was nice talking to you! and we missed you in the chat yesterday!
Rachel~
Quote: The only thing that keeps me going is I can't imagine my life without my H in it. I just can't.
And nether can I! I've know my H for 26 yrs soon, I meet him during a snow storm! We have been M for 21 yrs and it will be 22 in March. What a shame, we have lost a year. It makes me wonder, how much he has changed, I know I have! But it doesn't matter, he might be a little worn and dusty, but I have unconditional love, so I'll dust him off and love him anyway!
