H came by last evening, after calling first, to drop off wild game for my freezer. As usual, we shared a hug hello. We talked for a while in the garage, then I asked him in. He accepted, locked his car and closed the garage door behind him. I offered him a drink, and over most of a 2l of bottle of wine, we talked for almost two hours. No R talk. Mostly about kids, his work, my work, our families. I had a chance to thank him for his letters to my brothers after my mother's death. When he brought up his mother, who is really doing quite well in her late 80s, I sympathized with the sadness he was feeling about her slight decline. I also suggested that he focus on how much she still has rather than on what she was losing (as I am trying to do, but I didn't tell him that!). It was an emotional discussion for him, so I did my best to stay calm and supportive, telling him that I would be there for him when her time came, and I will. He needed to leave then, which I understand, and we shared a long and very intense hug goodbye. I told him again that I would be there for him, and he replied that he "would be easy." I looked him in the eye, and with a smile said "No you won't. Nothing with you has ever been easy." We both know that is true, but I will accept 2 x 4s for the guilt it may have caused. He didn't seem at all fazed by my comment, though. I asked him to text me when he got to his place. He did, and I thanked him.
H will disappear for a while now, I suspect. That's OK, though very hard after such a connection. I can see he is still gone, in spite of it. I will continue on with my GAL activities -- Ds, MIL, friends, the holidays, D's wedding plans, job, skiing, tennis, hobbies, trips -- much to keep me busy!
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
