4 out of 5 sick kids this week. Had to take two days off work. H and I really don't interact at all anymore. I know that's the whole point of going dark, but I really don't see H caring very much at all.
M 41 H 41 D16 S 15 D 12 D 10 S 9 M 17 yrs OW Jan. 03 - May 04 S Dec. 03 - May 04 R May 04 - Apr 10 OW Apr 10 S Aug.10 ** H wants LS and D **
So, I guess this is more of a journal for me. H called yesterday, asked the kids if he could talk to me. Wants me to meet with a mediator to get this separation legal. He said repeatedly, "We need to get this moving along, first the separation and then the divorce." I just kept validating his feelings and agreed to meet with the mediator, told him to let me know when he set it up. I was pretty upset after I got off the phone. I guess it's really going to be over. I just kept thinking that he'd come to his senses eventually - I mean, he did the last time. Also, struggling a little bit with the 180. Trying to stay positive and not argue with him, but every little thing is driving me crazy. This last week, I received 3 different bills in the mail. He had changed the accound names from his to mine and simply by doing that I got an activation charge. No services were activated, only a name change. When I asked him why it mattered he kept saying "I don't live there anymore and I'm not coming back, so I don't want my name on anything." Can someone out there tell me there's some hope left. I really feel like he is cutting all ties here and the chances of his changing gears and coming back is pretty much nil. Anybody had success after a long period of time separated. Over a year??
M 41 H 41 D16 S 15 D 12 D 10 S 9 M 17 yrs OW Jan. 03 - May 04 S Dec. 03 - May 04 R May 04 - Apr 10 OW Apr 10 S Aug.10 ** H wants LS and D **
I have known people who have reconciled after being separated more than a year, and even at the 11th hour. But if you want him back you have to do some things differently.
First you have to attract him back. And second, you have to communicate differently with him. Did you try the power packaging? It takes a lot of work. But you need to do it to get his attention when you are talking to him. I imagine with all you have going on with the house, financials and 5 kids, and having sickness recently that you are exhausted.
No one can blame you if you don't do it, his behavior isn't your fault--but you are the one who will have to do the work if your goal is to get him back. Eventually, he will have to work at it, but that is awhile down the road, realistically.
Not much to say -- really no interaction. He hasn't seen me or the kids in a while. How can you DB when there is no interaction?? I'm not really sure where I stand - it still hurts - alot, but I'm getting used to being the only adult in the house. In some ways, I like it. I'm really not sure I want to or can forgive him if he ever does change his mind. I guess, if the truth be told, I'm not really DB'ing, I'm just moving through life without him!
M 41 H 41 D16 S 15 D 12 D 10 S 9 M 17 yrs OW Jan. 03 - May 04 S Dec. 03 - May 04 R May 04 - Apr 10 OW Apr 10 S Aug.10 ** H wants LS and D **
Ugh, that's tough! Are you doing anything to make yourself happy right now? You really need some good self-care. What kinds of things do you like to do?
