"This is becoming a trauma. I have been the positive/upbeat/optimistic one for so, so long..."
No one is saying you should endure trauma. Detach. Man up. Fine. Set boundaries. But if you push for an answer or a commitment right now, you will get an answer you don't want. You'll also be acting out of pain and striking out. Wait until you are OK yourself, figure out your boundaries, and then set them.
Wait 48 hours. Then, if you must do something, do something that takes care of YOU and isn't about controlling W: "W, I'm not OK with making Christmas plans as a family while you are still involved with OM, thus I'll be making my own plans with the kids. I'd like to figure out a schedule so they can share time with us both."
You don't need to offer explanations, or argue, or anything. That is simply your very reasonable boundary.
If you aren't happy watching a movie with her, go out and watch a movie with a friend or by yourself. QUIT doing things that don't feel good, but find positive replacements.
She isn't there for you right now. Quit being more into the R than she is (this does not mean to start dating). Give her her space.
If you weren't married, would you marry her tomorrow? Don't expect for her to fully commit to a M she doesn't even know if she wants. She is open to C. That is enough for one month. Patience.
