mish, the first few days I could shake the image of hm dead. Tired and not the man I knew him to be all my life. People didnt recognise him at the funeral! You are so right, I was trying to think of him smiling and the light of his eyes shining through. I couldnt the first few days. All I could recall was...death. Now that I can, it's harder. Because that wonderful man is the man I miss and still want with me. I do believe that if there is heaven, my dad is at the first seats, close to God. I do know he is well now. But that doenst change the fact that he wanted to be with us, he loved life and his family.
My dad taught me another lesson with his death. His last note to us, spoke about about my mum. How she had been his partner in life, the one and only, and I felt (same did my bro) that his final words declared she came before us. He loved us dearly and we felt it all the years we had with him, but he wanted her and us to know, she was his biggest love. I felt... amazed. I asked how how she managed to be all that for him. She told me she loved him. Being in a child centred marriage that made me think.
Oldtimer, thanks for posting to me. I try to mourn when driving. I look at pics after the kids go to bed. I live, I go to work, but I cant pretend. Dont worry. I am not avoiding my sorrow.
H has been great. What he doenst get is how I have all these emotions out in the open. How I cry. He used to bottling up emotions. He told me he is still numb after his mum died, 7 years later.
