I am 33 and my h is 34. We have been married for 10 years but together for a total of 20. We were childhood sweethears and have 3 girls and i baby on the way (due in march). About 3 months ago he told me that he wasnt happy. We started marriage counseling and we were "working on our relationship". That lasted about 3 weeks of me trying. He finally said he was going to move out and he did for 1 day. He came back crying saying that it did not feel right and that he really was commited to trying. Two weeks went by. We were not perfect but communicating and getting along. HE then said that its not working and things had not changed. He is planning on moving out next week. I have started doing some 180 stuff and i can see some moments when he appears interested. He wants to continue being intimate and i have agreed although i think he has his cake and eating it to. We agreed on some terms such as visation and agreed not to see other people until march (baby is due) until we can reevaluate. He still tells me he loves me. Most of our friends think he is having a mlc and just needs time. They think is the pressure of our 3 kids and having a 4th on the way.
In the past he has had moments in our relationship when he has said he has wanted to break up and then he comes back. I am so scared and lonely. I am due in march and have been an emotional wreck. I have been trying to gal and this sems to annoy him but i keep doing things that are different for me. 1. is to get is attention and 2. i need to take care of myself. What do you all think. What should i say?? I no longer ask/beg him to stay.
I am new to the forum but have found great strength in reading others story. I am so scared...sad- that it doesnt seem like it will ever go away. I know this is new but i dont want to be a single mother. Any suggestions for 180. He is moving out next week. In the last couple of weeks i have gone out with friends because my home feels so tense. It has been good for me. Whenever I go out he tends to be really agitated and pick a fight. He then texts me several times to make sure I am ok. Normally, i would not go out especially if he was not happy about me going out. It doesnt feel right to do things that upset him right now but my experience with hiim tells me that when I am begging/crying he just seems to drift him further away. Any support and/or suggestions would be great. Do you think there is hope???
When you say you are doing some 180 stuff, what are you actually doing?
When you say you think it is the pressure of 3+ children, there may be some truth to that. What does he do or say that makes you think that could be the issue.
Cat is right....'trying to get his attention' is going to have the opposite effect.
You are in a tough situation with the 3 kids and one on the way. Your hormones are going to make this more difficult. You can do this, but be good to yoruself. Take really good care of yourself. You deserve it, and your whole family needs you...you are the heart.
I have stopped talking about the R. I dont ask him where he is going what time he will be back etc. When he is on the phone i do not ask him who it is. When I talk about the seperation it is completely logistical i.e. the kids need care on xyz days etc. I have started going out, bought some new clothes and had my hair done. It has made me feel loads better to do this.
He told his close friend that he is unhappy but unsure why. he is blaming our finanical situation on me yet in the last 10 years of marriage he has had 4 motorcyles. The only thing i ever wanted was a vacation and never got that.
Being pregnant is also causing some stress. When i was expecting with the others he was very much involved. He has shown very little interest in this baby.
I am so overwelmed with sadness. I feel like i cant get through this. I have tried to stop crying in front of him and for the most part have done a good job. When we have talked about the R he just says he is not sure what is going to happen to which i reply that i dont know what will happen either. He says it is not another women and is willing to wait until i deliver to discuss both of us seeing other people. I feel that if we are at the point of seeing other people then isnt divorce inevitable?
I feel so alone and sad....I try to make it through the day for my children but it is very difficult. Thank you for your support.
H moved out on Friday. It was really tense leading up to him leaving. I am devasted. I have been trying really hard to not cry but this is such an emotional situation and the fact that I am 7 months pregnant does not help. We have had minimal contact via phone regarding out other children. He always says I love you before hanging up. He even text me saying "I love you all". I am reading DR and feel now that he is out of the house I can really do a 180. Today I went out and got a xmass tree (normally his job) and got the stuff down out of the garage. He offered to do this but I told him that I got it.
Since I am pregnant i am limited to where I can go and what i can do outside of my home. I have been trying to cut the conversations short. H is always asking how I am doing and I just say fine or I will be ok. I would normally tell him I am not feeling well, have been crying etc. this is a 180 for me. Fake it to you make it.
I am on these boards constantly throughout the day and find them very helpful. I feel so lost and sad and cannot believe I am in this position. Any support/suggestions would be welcomed and appreciated.
So it's been 3 days since my husband has moved out. I do not initiate any text/calls to him. He has called me to speak with out kids. He has text me that he is home from work (works overnights and is in law enforcement). I did not respond. He also text me the other night that he was sorry and missed both me and the kids. I responded "we miss you too". He asked me to help him with a resume. I told him i would do this. Normally I would have initially offered to do a resume without him asking but i waited for him to ask and he did.
Am i being too easy? my friends say that i should not do anything for him and should be tougher with him.
I am so sorry to hear that your H moved out. The first thing I want to say to you is to relax and take it easy (as hard as that is to do). His moving out does NOT mean that it is over. People have reconciled after a spouse has moved out but right now, that should not be where your focus is. Your focus needs to be on you and your baby.
Quote:
Am i being too easy?
Do what you feel in your heart to do but do not expect anything in return.
Stay strong - it does get better.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Heartbroken: I wish I had a penny for everytime someone has told me I'm being too easy on my WAH and that I don't need to be so nice to him. Well, being mean, putting guilt trips on him, and begging/pleading weren't working--only pushing him further away. So, I've learned to follow my heart, do the DB/180s and those are the only things that have helped. Those things involve doing nice things for my husband---if he comes to stay overnight to help with our baby--I try to have a meal prepared so he has something to eat. I buy snacks that he likes. I will buy candy that he likes and give it to him before he leaves. I don't go overboard--just small gestures to show my appreciation. Sometimes, we just have to shut out what everyone else says--especially if they are telling us things we know to be counter productive--and follow our heart.
M-32, WAH 32 D-7 months Bomb of PA 9/25 WAH left 10/24 D Filed by WAH
heartbroken i to am in law enforcement and marriage is a tough thing in this field. i can tell u though every person i work with that has been divorced has remarried the same person within a year. temptation is everywhere in law enforcement he will be back i promise u that
