....He would constantly tell me how he loved me, loved me body, that I drove him crazy and although his technique for love making wasn't the best...I didn't care.
...I craved this man like no other I'd been with before. We had sex relatively frequently for the first 3 months and all of the sudden...boom...it stopped.
...but it finally got to be too much so I confronted him
....He got very defensive
...Things, however, did not change but I started monitoring his internet activities and noticed that he was looking at pornography A LOT.
...Again, I confronted him asking why he would pass up a real live woman to please himself in front of the computer. For about 7 months this was a constant fight and finally he had to stop watching porn because the computer broke.
...his lack of attention to my pleasure got worse and worse. He seems completely disinterested in any of my female parts, avoids touching me and love making just turns out to be me pleasing him until he climbs on top of me and "gets it over with".
...I'm left feeling like nothing but a prostitute
....my self esteem has suffered in a HUGE way...I feel like I disgust him in some way.
...We continually fight about the issue and he always makes excuses
...I wonder if he's gay and can't stop wondering what's wrong with me...
First, I want to congratulate you on your bravery posting this and on your taking some steps to try to work things out.
You might want to re-read your words....technique wasn't the best, confrontation, defensive, fight, lack of attension, self esteem....
First he isn't gay. Second he probably does have some relationship baggage prior to meeting you. Third you have proabably unknowingly added to his baggage.
Having a lover feel that one's sexual technique leaves a lot to be desired, is about as personal and damning a thing as I can imagine. We owe it to our lover to guide them and offer positive feedback so that we get what we need from them and then praise them even if we are still wanting more, but it is all they can give at this time. Is it possible that you either explicitly or through body language let him know he wasn't a good lover and that message might have impacted his desire to have sex with you?
Have you talked to him to find out why the two of you stopped having sex in a way that was supportive as opposed to "confrontational?"
Porn can be very addictive and destructive to a marriage. However, few turn to porn out of the blue, usually there are reasons for it. Do you know the reason he turned to porn?
My suggestion would be to get some professional counseling with a sex therapist. See if you can rebuild your relationship as you did sound happy for a while at the beginning. One of the hardest pieces of advice to accept is that sexual rejection, while it feels incredibly personal is often not your partner trying to hurt you, but your partner not knowing what to do and thereby trying to avoid hurting both you and themself.
Good luck to you, I hope you find happiness
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
