(1) Were you more sexually aggressive when you started out? Did you initiate more, get on top tell him what to do more?
(2) My theory: H has a longstanding problem with porn and compulsive masturbation. When you started out, the excitement/rush of a new R let him put it on hold. He felt good, he enjoyed sex. But, addictions will tell. It came back. He feels gross, ashamed, and dirty about himself and sex in general. He can handle the compulsive private activity, but finds sex while being seen by another almost unbearable. Just my theory based on an old marriage of mind. And, FWIW, there is NO WAY his use of porn is gone just because the computer broke.
(3) Stop having sex that isn't good for you and makes you feel bad. Don't do it.
(4) Lots of women lose their libido from a lack of decent reliable sex that is satisfying for them (rather than just a faked O for W and a real O for H). I was among them. Losing one's libido seems to be a defensive reaction to living in otherwise intolerable circumstances. It is important for your own sake that you remain healthy sexually. Get some erotica, a new sex toy, whatever. You owe it to yourself to stay a sexual being. Don't lose that again.
Finally, if I were you, I'd bail. This guy has HUGE problems. It is not an R that seems to be good for you in any way. 20 months and an even shorter marriage... there is no way I'd live in a sexually-deadening M again. Ever. Why are you? At least put down a clear boundary: "I have zero interest in continuing to live in a sexually-deadening M. Our sex life is unfulfilling and humiliating for me. I will not participate in it unless it changes. blah blah blah...." But, even this would be farther than I would go for such a short messed-up R. I'd be outta there. Zoom. And I don't believe I've ever said that to anyone who is actually married before.
