Still needing some encouragement

[kissak]

Thanks A...I will check the link out. Anything to help me right now is appreciated.

This weekend was the hardest yet. Still cant get it out of my mind.

I decided to take my kids to an event in town that we had never been to before. Something different to keep my mind off of H. We had only been there about 5 minutes. There was probably about 100 people or more there. Out of the corner of my eye I see someone familar. It was my H. With a date. With some little skanky lady that looked to be about 45 or 50. He didnt see us, but my daughter decided to text him and say that she sees him. Her and my son both wanted to know who he was with. I was in shock. Why would he be there of all places? He never goes to stuff like that and this was like a family event...it was a christmas tree lighting for the town. Ugh~ anyway, I had to turn and walk away where I couldnt see him, what I saw was enough to be burned into my brain for eternity. My daughter decided to walk over and say Hi to him, my son was mad and didnt want to see him. Even called his dad a punk...anyway, my daugher was over there long enough that I texted her and she didnt answer, so I texted him and asked him to please send our daughter back over to me. Then I couldnt help myself....Im sorry, but it came out...I texted him and told him he could do better. I know, bad idea...but I felt better

SO, I left early, couldnt stand it much longer. My daughter and my neice who was also with us said this woman was old, had wrinkles and a double chin. They were grossed out by her (teenage girls words).

So, I didnt hear from him at all on Saturday. First time in years that he has gone a whole day without contacting me. It hurt. But I managed to stay busy enough that I didnt think about it too much. Yesterday was about the same. He texted me to tell me that morning that he had left a newspaper on my front doorstep, I just said thanks, then he asked if I had found other...I opened the paper and there was $60 in it. I just told him thank you and that he didnt have to do that. He said he knew that.

I really dont know how to handle this now. I was not expecting him to be where I was and to have to see that. I was NOT prepared. THats the first time I have ever seen him with another woman other than the one time I saw him begging the first OW back and then I was only driving by.

Now, Im sure this is a lady he works with. Im sure she is the one who he called "phil" and rushed off one night while still at home to go help "him" move a washing machine. Still makes me mad. BUT if she is the type to know she was fooling around with a married man, good luck to her. Im sure when he is bored with her, he will move on to cheating on her. UGH~

Got some anger still in me today...trying to get it all out here so I can let go of it. Im sorry that I threw my H out that day without confronting him to his face about all of the stuff he did. I wish I had had it out with him right then. Now its stuck in my head...I just have soo much I would love to say to him! Im gonna have to say it on here, just to get it out!! Im so angry and hurt. Im angry at myself to that I just cant seem to let go of this!

Thanks for any listening ears today. The rest of my weekend was pretty good. I did spend alot of time with my kids. We went to a parade and a few bday parties....I love them.

I want to tell all of you what made my night though after seeing my H with that OW...other than the fact she was unattractive, my son made this comment "mom, we should be happy for daddy" I asked why he thought that...he replyed "at least he can find a girl that WANTS to date him". I had to laugh.

Pray for me friends. Trying to find a way to just let this all go. I think of how other people have hurt me in the past, and how i Have been able to let it go and not think of it. I hope to get to that place soon. I hope to be able to accept that my H is gonna date OW. I threw him out. I cant expect him to not date. Its just not easy to see and think about.