Oh thanks girls. I read here but dont feel like posting often. I am feeling "darker and darker". I think that maybe this week started better but last week was horrible for me.
My whole apartment has signs of my dad. He actually helped build it. My flower pots with my gardenias and other flowers were his and he made them for me. My automatic watering system on my veranda has the little wires he fixed.
I am ok in general, I feel so much love for him and strangely I feel it from him also but I cant stand the thought that I wont see him again. He is my dad, my dad, you know? Not just an elder dear relative, my dad. H says I cry every day as if he dies every day. I try to not to. But I am so sad. It's this sinking feeling, the weight on my chest, it's so absolut.
I know many people go through the same every day: loosing a parent. I know I was prepared and actually didnt want him to suffer any longer. I know I shouldnt be dramatic and just deal with it. And I am dealing with it. I am just very very sad. There are things I feel are not worth doing anymore. Like cooking. He loved my cooking.
H is trying. He reacts differently to pain so he doesnt understand. He loved my dad and that thought helps me. On Thu 12/9 we have our anniversary. I dont care if we do something or not. I am just sad.
