I failled horribly...

[FellOnBlackDays]

Dear DivorceBusters,
Well, I had my first test since adopting the 180 stratedgy and I failed horribly. After 33 days with no face-to-face meetings with my wife, she showed up unannounced on Friday night claiming she wanted to get some stuff from the house. I was getting ready for an evening out with friends. I was in a great mood and ready for the night out. I had a great day at work, spent two hours in the gym and had initiated the evening out with friends. I was "taking care of me" and doing a pretty good job of it. No more crying, no more moping. Actually, I am feeling pretty good about myself right now. None the less, she called while I was getting dressed for the evening. I saw her name on the caller ID and didn't answer. I didn't want to talk with her as I was really looking forward to my evening out. Next thing I know, I hear the front door opening. She comes strolling in claiming that she texted me to let me know she was coming over. She lied, there was no text. She walked right past me and started just picking things up and asking if she could take them. I just stood there like and idiot staring into my hand and saying "yes" to each request to remove property. For weeks, I practiced being upbeat and very nonchalant. I didn't do that at all. I stood there like a child that had just been beaten on the playground. She took what she wanted and left without really saying anything. I followed her to the door like a damned dog that was being left home by his master. When we got to the door, she made no effort to be civil or express any concern of any kind. She said "bye" and walked out, locking the door behind her. For a couple of seconds, I just stood there like an idiot in my foyer. I wasn't upbeat, I was care free, I wasn't convincing at all. She walked in and I went numb. I couldn't really talk, I couldn't joke around, I just stood there mumbling one word replies to her requests. DAMN IT!!! She ran over me like a truck, probably felt pretty good about it, and walked out as I stood there. I didn't let it ruin my evening though. I still went out with friends and had a good time. But, I have never planned so hard for something and failed so miserably. I had no time to get ready. I was putting on a shirt and next thing I know, she is standing there in our house. First round goes to her. I will have to focus harder and be more prepared next time. What she saw on Friday night will not inspire her to think I am moving on.

To finish on a better note, I am doing a pretty good job of taking care of myself. Sleeping all night, appetite is back, spending 10 hours a week in the gym, keeping an active social life (went out both nights this weekend), decorated the house for Christmas, and having very successful year on the job (made sales plan for the year). But still have to work on "180" attitude for next round. Happy Holidays everyone!

Fellonblackdays