Wife is on her way out and not looking back, she is difficult to impossible to deal with, a liar (she can say anything, and then twist my response to something that fits her agenda).
I would not believe this story if someone told it to me, you can read it, but until you live it....
So I have been working on myself more and more, taking it one step at a time, and figuring out where my journey is going to take me.
I made one last shot at opening the lines of communication, only to have her be hurtful, lie and twist everything. I had to for myself, to at least know I tried everything.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
and I wanted to add....even if she were to say she wanted to work on things (which I don't see happening), I don't see a circumstance where that would be possible.
I dealt with alot the last few months, I still love her, not the person she is, and I'm not happy at where this is going to end.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
Wife is on her way out and not looking back, she is difficult to impossible to deal with, a liar (she can say anything, and then twist my response to something that fits her agenda).
I would not believe this story if someone told it to me, you can read it, but until you live it....
So I have been working on myself more and more, taking it one step at a time, and figuring out where my journey is going to take me.
I made one last shot at opening the lines of communication, only to have her be hurtful, lie and twist everything. I had to for myself, to at least know I tried everything.
Lost, I know what you are saying. I'm sorry.
However, there is one thing you HAVE NOT done yet. Can you handle it? I don't know, but I will tell you anyway.
SET HER FREE. Detach from the drama. Look in the mirror and ask yourself did you give it YOUR best?
Seriously, it works. Two points why it works....1) YOU, finally realize you are on your own and you can be happy on your own(I hope)...2) You validate what she's been asking all along. Give her her freedom from you, when she really feels you let go, maybe she will come back.
I can personally attest to #2. IT WORKS. As long as you get to the place where you look in the mirror and KNOW you tried everything and can really have PEACE with yourself. Let go. Set her free. MAYBE she will come back. Not words of wisdom, but you are not done yet friend.
I have set her free physically, it's my detaching emotionally that I struggle with.
I'll be honest, I think about my family all the time, even when I am doing things I enjoy. I find my mind always playing back past event, or think what the future could have held. I know that's bad....
I have heard recently, she doesn't love me anymore, my kids are better off this way, she is never coming home, etc. I don't argue, but I will admit, they are daggers....big painful daggers. One thing I can say with complete honesty, I always loved my wife.
I was trying to find the recent developments on your sitch, can't find the most recent thread.
Thanks again. I read all advice, and try and put it into play.
I guess when someone doesn't love you, there isn't much to bust, just keep moving foward.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
And for good measures, she still won't speak to me, just text about the kids.
The way she acts towards me is really puzzling, I have never done anything to hurt her mentally or physically, I always listened, spent time, showed her I loved her.
She treats me like garbage, and her little slings she likes to get in are like a bonus to her.
As was posted to me before, I am in pain...trying to get over it, but I keep falling back into it.
The thought of another man raising my kids kills me inside, the thought my wife walked away kills me.
Just venting.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
We've all been there. Look through the stories and you'll see how the WS goes through that period of anger. Regain your footing and your dignity. When she starts going off on you, hold your hand up and tell her that you do not appreciate being talked to like that and that you are willing to discuss things later in a more civilized manner. Then walk away. State it in a "matter of fact" way.
After all the validating about how she feels, etc., there are times that you need to give them a bit of reality before they go off too far. My W treated me the same way. So after awhile, I thought, this was getting out of hand, and started to get my nuts back.
Your W married a man. Maybe she wants you to be that MAN again or at the very least you can start being one again for you.
"I tried everything."
No one can ever say that they tried "everything". Start asserting yourself and see what happens.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thanks Mr.Bond. I'm thinking the holidays are what's getting me down, the time lost with my kids....now when I have them, we have a blast, but I find myself feeling sorry for me because I don't have them 24/7.
At this point, I just want off this rollercoaster (if you can call it that). When she left July 4th, she never looked back. I wonder how much time I wasted with a woman who never really cared about me, you just don't fall out of love and act like this in a snap of your fingers.
You are right, I didn't try everything, but it isn't going to matter what I try...she is done, I've accepted that (mostly). I can't accept the role of a part time Dad.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
"but it isn't going to matter what I try...she is done"
That is why you fail. If you keep telling your self it's over then it will be over. If you say you aren't going to make the putt, you're not going to make the putt. Stop "trying" and just do. I'm not talking about pursuing your W more. Sometimes non-pursuit and building yourself up is doing something. You may not think so, but it is.
I totally understand about your kids. I feel the same way. What I do is to make the time that I have them, the best they can be.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
First off, all my sympathies because you've been on the receiving end of an incredibly cold and heartless person. Every story here is sad, especially at first, but some of them you just shake your head. I'm sorry for you, and sorry for what the kids have had to deal with.
That being said, I have some harsh messages for you. I don't bring them to break you or make your road tougher. Quite the contrary. I bring them to convince you that life continues and that there is still much good in front of you.
You must, simply must, find a way to feel your pain, grieve your loss, and then put it to the side. I read your original thread and could feel the pain in you. Now I see the same pain in this new thread.
Your wife is gone. The woman she was, the wife she was, the mother she was. All gone. Why? I don't know. I also know that at this point it really doesn't matter. Think of it like a terribly fatal disease that you got even though you did nothing to deserve it. You grieve, you fight, and eventually you must ACCEPT.
Yes, the loss of time with your children is agonizing. Complete agreement. Unfortunately, your wife had the power to make that happen and she chose to do that. Now you must find the answer to this pain. Protect yourself legally, get as much as you can, protect as much as you can. Don't all your once feelings for her to affect the legal decisions you make. The make the most of your time with your children. Forget their mother when they are with you. They don't deserve to be in the middle of this, so keep them out of it.
My message is buck up my friend. The time for "woe is me" is slipping away quickly. Time for you to stand up as a man and make your life happen.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
