I saw your question on Newcomers. Here's the info:
From Keeping love Alive
"Take some advice from the world of advertising: know who your audience is and speak to their needs. Instad of making demands that fall on deaf ears, appeal to your partner's interests (instead of your own!) when you're trying to get him or her to change. If you do so, you'll be more likely to motivate your partner to doing things differently.
Think of something you would like your partner to do, but haven't figured out how to convince him or her to change yet. Make sure you completely understand your partner's point of view even if you don't entirely agree with it. Explain why this point of view is so important to him/her.
Identify the specific behavioral change you'd like your partner to make, in action terms.
Experiment with ways of expressing to your partner how the change you are proposing fits with his or her point of view. In other words, describe how this change will be an advantage to your partner given his or her perspectivie on the situation.
Now that you know what you want to change and how your partner feels, the first thing you must do is acknowledge your partner's feelings. Then, explain how what you are requesting will actually be a means to your partner's desired ends."
