Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

So things are not going too well for H. After the incident on Wednesday night, I invited him over on Thursday to watch a movie. He came over and was so happy to see me and said that he missed me. Even more so, he said that my touch gave him the chills (in a good way). I'm struggling on how to deal with it all on my end, b/c I can't be responsible for him and his actions, but I feel like our R has a direct reaction on how low he gets - ie, when he's with me, he's happy, but when he's not and gets home by himself, he sinks. Still, that's his choice right now and it could be different if he would take the steps to make it different. The only good thing is that maybe he will start to take the steps soon as he seems to be learning how much he needs me in his life. I'm still very concerned about him though. He said he hit a dark spot again last night. I believe he should be having a follow up appt with the dr this week (he said the follow up would be in 4 weeks), but I just hope he makes it thru until then. I don't know exactly where he is mentally, but hopefully if he feels really bad, he'll go to the dr earlier.

I'm disappointed though b/c I was really hoping for him to finally get some relief from all the horrible mental demons he's been facing these last two years. In a selffish way, I want him to be better, so we can work on us, but even besides that, I want him better for himself and as S's father. I know medicine is not a cure all, but his brain really is so messed up that he can't handle "life" on his own, so I don't think there's much hope besides meds to regulate him. I hope the dr will have some thoughts - new meds, different dose, etc. Hopefully H is not too discouraged that he gives up though. It's just hard to not really know what to do to help him.

Besides that, S is sick again - woke up this moring with a fever. =/ Yesterday, I started wrapping gifts, so S was super excited to see presents under the tree (but the not opening them part is the hard part!) I'm trying to get christmas cards out today, so all in all, it's been super busy.