Your logic seems so right on. It's what just about any person would be thinking in the face of a marital crisis.
The approach talked about on this site and in the MWD books is therefore MAJOR counterintuitive. And yet, even MWD admits that we are all hoping to save our marriages. Just turns out that the way to save our marriages is to truly save and recover the men that our wives once fell in love with.
How many people make a new years resolution to lose weight each year? And what percentage of those people fail? And why do they fail?
Permanent changes in our life is motivated by something we finally recognize needs changed in us. Not because someone says so. Not because we want to catch the eye of someone. But because deep inside of us we have looked in the mirror and been dissatisfied with what we found there.
No one is suggesting the two motivations cannot coincide. In fact I would suggest that the DB approach for the most part is based upon the belief that our spouse loved who we were once, and that they could fall in love with us again if we could just get some of the crap out of our lives.
But do you want to be here again in another ten years?
I sure don't.
I realized all the junk with my ex was nothing that I could control. I realized that I was a fundamentally good man, husband, and father, but that I had become lazy, selfish, and unloving as the years went by and life got complicated.
Wether I got her back or not, I had to refind the man that I once was. I had to reclaim the passions that had defined me once in the past. I had to begin finding joy in situations insted of inconvenience.
My changes did not win my ex back. But they did win ME back. And my life is damned happy right now.
Don't get shortsighted on your goals here. If you do, you are missing a golden opportunity.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
