I will survive...or do even better!

[ImprovedRomeo]

Wii sorry to hear about your dad's hernia. I hope he feels better soon.

2 days vacation? wow! what will you do with all that time, turtle's tank, laudry and vaccuming combined only takes 2hrs if you multi-task. I think you need a woman in your life wii. These wild and crazy days must come to an end

You should fly south to the warmer climate. Go see kat...you'll both enjoy it! Whaaaaat? I the mean ice-cream and asparagus meals.

There have been lots of books and stuff on positive thinking since the 30s! some of the Dale Carneige classics like 'think and grow rich' etc that I read in high school. Why do you think I'm such a bundle of joy

[kat727]

As long as he keeps the asparagus on his own plate! LOL Come on down, we actually hit 57 today!

kat

[whatisis]

Yes Romeo, but the trick is not to just think it but to believe it!
I went to the high school open house alone tonight. D13 was sick and doctor put her on anti-biotics. I decided that D's friend was going and if she told D that it was a great school then I wanted to be there and have my own impression to go by. If D wants a tour the guidance counsellor said she'd be glad to take her for one. We'll see. Afterwards i dropped by wife's to give D the info I picked up (and some cookies they served). When I arrived wife rushes to the door and starts in on me about an issue with insurance for D's drugs. Apparently wife's company has D's birthdate wrong and therefore wouldn't pay for her part of the prescription. Then she started ranting about how she has enough to do and doesn't need to have one more phone call to make blah blah blah. I didn't even get a hello! She then proceeded to tell me that she'd heard bad things about the school I'd just visited blah blah blah and carried on about how she couldn't imagine how D would decide on which school to go to anyway blah blah blah I said "I think it will be the one that serves the best cookies". Then she asks me if I wanted to stay for dinner. Is she nuts! I was so relieved to get the hell away from her but I felt sad for my kids. I can leave they can't. It's amazing, she's just like her father was. At work everybody's buddy but when he came home the family would get the brunt of his frustration. Two peas in a pod those two. It's all about her...always. Sometimes I'm just so glad to be out of that hell hole. For so many years I was living with this crap and trying to make the best of it, make it better, constantly putting out fires...now I don't have to. Well I think I'm ranted out now. Later Dbers.

[whatisis]

The thing I have to keep in mind and put to the forefront of my thinking is that I am doing my best for my kids. If she's annoying, self centered, rude etc that's her problem. So, while she's busy being an over reactive advocate of "poor me" my kids still have a Dad who is there for them and putting their needs at the top of his priority list. Usually I just feel sorry for her when I see her living like this and choosing to continue in this way. But, I guess we all have our own individual journeys. Last night I was feeling a bit pissed but today is a new day! This is the day the Lord hath made, let us be glad and do the vacuuming in it!

[ImprovedRomeo]

Wii, glad you posted that about your interaction with your W and your reflection on it too. It reaffirms some of my beliefs in that regard and makes me ponder a few things. STBXW acts the same, she'll bring up something so I can just console her and say 'aww poor you' but I just listen, tell her 'hmm, that sucks' or 'huh...' and then change the topic. I don't indulge her. I try to pay particular attention when DD is around because I don't want her to ever think I'm mean or stand offish to her mom (which I'm not anyway). That's not a healthy thing for a kid to process. Kids need to know the parents can work together on the family issues even if we're no longer together.

Hope you've got some fun plans for the weekend!

[whatisis]

It's not easy to do sometimes, Romeo. At times I just wanna say "shut the f*** up!" but I do the same as you "that sucks". When she carried on about the insurance issue I just said "Hey, don't deal with it now, it's not something that won't wait a few weeks" It's $15 which I paid and she now owes me...big deal! Anyway, my kids know the way she is and they deal with it, I just continue to be as uplifting around them as possible. If she wants to sink into the big black hole continually, that's up to her. I prefer and choose to be happy!

[whatisis]

Busy day today. I spent the morning and afternoon with my Dad who started on medication for his hernia and it made him sicker than before! Doctor told him to discontinue it. I brought him some probiotics (the hard core suckers!) and B complex vitamin for stress. I also brought him a Qigong DVD on exercises promote digestion. Whatever helps I guess. At one point he was talking about his situation and how wonderful mom has been and then began crying, he feels as though he's holding her back. I said "Dad, if the roles were reversed wouldn't you do exactly the same thing for her?" He then said "she's such a wonderful woman...but why does she have to watch the 24 hour news station all the time!" I said "maybe when you do your morning prayers you should ask God to do something about the 24 hour news station" Anyway, we had a nice visit. I'm glad my Dad feels he can cry around me, he needs to sometimes.
Afterwards I drove home, lay down for 15 minutes and then changed to meet my friend and her kids at her church for their 30th anniversary dinner and service. I went to her church for a few months about a year ago but stopped for a reason I won't go into, so I know a lot of people there. It was really nice to step through the doors and be met with hugs and people calling my name. It's times like this when it hits me that I really do make an impression on others. I think when you've been crushed by one of the most important people in your life (read: wife) you tend to feel inside as though you're not that significant. Well, I certainly felt significant tonight. My friend phoned me to say she would be late so I kind of became the official greeter at the door! It's kind of funny because I don't even go there any more.
I'm also having a bit of a spiritual crisis and am checking out different churches, ones with a more liberal perspective. I've been going to an evangelical church for a few years, periodically I check out others, but I'm really starting to have theological differences with the evangelical belief system. I used to just put these things aside but the last few months I've been finding myself saying "I just don't believe that". I was raised in a liberal church and certainly not a place where you needed to be "born again" etc. I'm not someone who can just sit and pretend I believe stuff I just don't! So, I'm checking out liberal churches that may allow me a little more room to question and refine my beliefs. We'll see how it goes.
So, that's my update for tonight. Gotta go, the 24 hour news channel is on.

[BeingMe]

Hi Wii! Sorry about your dad's hernia ... you are such a good son, and your mom a good wife. Despite his health, your dad is one lucky man. I am sure he deserves it.

I have been somewhat absent from the boards lately ... just starting to catch up, and glad I found your new-ish thread.

I have had my own spiritual crisis lately, but I try and hold on to my faith that there is a Heavenly Father and His Son, that we can pray to, and ask for help or just show gratitude for all we have. Sometimes, I think, religions/churches focus too much on the little details. I have not found a church locally.

I know how you feel about being important to people. I always feel insignificant, uncertain, shy, unless I am writing. Then I can say what is on my heart. But, in person, I always feel forgettable. Then, one day, I contacted an old best friend from more than 30 years ago, and she remembered me, and was so happy to be in contact again. An old boyfriend and I became reacquainted, and he was so thrilled. Whenever I need a laugh, he is the person I go to. I am starting to realize that there are angels everywhere, and I hope miracles to go along with them.

Take care.

[whatisis]

Hi Being Me, I was trying to find your thread the other day but you don't seem to have one or maybe I'm a lousy detective!
It is true, it always surprises me to recognize that "hey, I had an impact on people" and that they actually seem very happy to see me. All you need is one person to really make your day. Now, the trick is to believe that you are that person other people seem to see!
As far as the spiritual crisis, I'm not sure where I fit in. I was talking to my friend about it last night and she said "Everyone has their own spiritual journey and I just know that since I've started to have faith my life has been better" I understand that, and believe that to be so for myself, but I just wonder how much we stuff down inside and pretend we believe certain tenets of any faith and is there a place where you can be truly genuine about your doubts and differences and still feel you belong. I think many people in churches go along pretending they believe certain things because they're scared to say maybe they don't. The problem for me is that I like evangelical worship style but don't like the atmosphere of "absolutes" while the liberal churches are more less absolute but their services seem to be more ritualized and quite frankly, boring. I remember once talking to my pastor about the differences between the evangelic church and the liberal church I grew up in. I said "in the church I grew up in we didn't even pray out loud when we're by ourselves let alone our loud in a group of people...and I'm not calling anyone brother LOL!" Those are minor things but when it comes to believing you must be "born again", there's a Hell God will condemn you to, that the bible is the literal word of God, Adam and Eve lived, homosexuality is sinful, Harry Potter is evil...I could go on and on. I'm not closed to some of these ideas but I don't necessarily believe them at this point either. How do you question when these are pretty much absolutes in the church I've been going to and any of the others that I've visited in the evangelical tradition. Hey, in many ways they are great loving places and I've been given a lot but...I just don't know where I belong anymore in the faith community, so I search.
Anyway, good to hear from you Being Me, let me know if you have a thread going I'd like to hear more about your sitch.

[BeingMe]

Hi Wii. Here is the link to my most active thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2014299&page=10

I know how you feel about different faiths and religions. I don't go to church right now because I went for years, while holding my tongue about certain beliefs that I just couldn't put under my faith umbrella. Sometimes, I would discuss it with the bishop (I am at this time a non-practicing mormon), but nothing could get resolved in my mind. I still love the church, though, and would not preach against it, or in fact against any faith that believes in God, and His Son (unless it is secluding their people behind high walls or in dense jungles). And, I have been curious about other faiths, like Hinduism. I have read some of the Tao Te Ching, which I find reflects some of the ideas in the Bible.

I took a semester course on the New Testament, and it was very enlightening to read it as a scholar and we also studied other texts in that era where there were second hand accounts of certain events in the scriptures. The most interesting part, for me, was the beginning of the 'church', just after the death and rising of Jesus. Absolutely fascinating. I must read more, now that I have time during my Christmas break from uni. My thesis was on Baptism, why it was used, where it came from, and how it is used in churches today. I had 2500 words, but it ended up 5,000 words, and I could've written more (the prof wanted me to expand on some things, but I told him, I had too many words as it was. He said he wouldn't have minded and I thought now you tell me).

Anyway, hope you're having a marvellous Sunday. I am cleaning house, and contacting friends on FB, and thinking about spiritual stuff. D18 is sick and lying on the couch, S23 is playing drums in the basement, H is away (been for the last 2 weeks) in China, and it's pretty chilly here on Vanc. Island. So, it's an indoor day.

Take care.