After re-reading your post again, I think that another major point you are making is that you are reminding yourself that your R with H is now a "new R" ---- not the "old M" ---- and so you need to remind yourself to adjust your expectations and to behave accordingly --- maybe like you did when you and H were courting. I have trouble remembering that myself, even though XH and I are D'ed. It must be much harder to remember when you are still M'ed.
