I just read the above but had already responded to you on my thread...
Guess we were on the same wavelength
Trying to not get overly excited for you as we all know how up and down the crazy WAS's mind works BUT... what I wouldn't give to hear that from my H.
I might be successful at detaching from my H's feelings but I get more attached to people's feelings on this board--never mind that I have never met any of you!
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
It stung her a bit when I said it last night and she reacted a bit put off...24 hours later, I got the green light to find the right one and then she thanked me for being patient with her through this.
Morning GW, just wanted to drop by and send you my support; it must feel like you're constantly on an uphill battle, and I admire your tenacity in striving to keep your M together. I just wanted to let you know too, how significant it is that she wants to go to counseling with you.
Just a thought too, that her negative reaction to your comment below might not be a confirmation that she was indeed planning to use it as a way to just make her feel good about running away. Do you think there might be any other reasons? Could she be scared about going?
For example, as much as I'd wanted my H to come to C with me, I was afraid to bring him at the same time because I was scared my H would paint me as 'the bad one' in the M and that my side of the story would never be understood. That it would simply become a venue for my H 'beating up on me' and that he'd be able to turn my IC against me to the point that they'd 'gang up on me'; that he'd be able to convince my IC of how 'bad' I was. It was really scary.
Like I said, just a thought. You know your W best, but just wanted to encourage you to consider other possible motivations for her reaction to your comment. Hugs and good thoughts to you GW. FMV.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Good point. The WAW doesn't like that feeling of being caught with her hand in the cookie jar,and with GW telling her what he would not support in a FT, it may have caused some of that "caught ya" sting. That's ok, b/c it's better for her to experience some sting, rather than finding a FT that would justify her A.
You are doing an amazing job,GW.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My intel sources have confirmed a bunch of emails back and forth yesterday with OM. Yes he dumped her...but of course, now they are emailing again. OM is telling her she will never be happy with me, but that also she should stay with me because I was still a good option. A bunch of else. Lots of ILYs and words of affection back and forth.
mess.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Waiting till Xmas no longer seems like an option. I am afraid I will be too damaged. The disrespect is too great. I love my kids, but I can't be a good father the way things are going now...
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
(((GW))) I'm concerned for you today GW. How's your sleep? Eating, ability to go out and enjoy things... that kind of thing. Have you spoken with your IC lately?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
W is open to C. The A with OM is winding down. Now is not the time to bail. If you need to take a couple of days away, do it. But don't act rashly now. Be patient, detach.
I've NEVER seen an A end on these boards with a clean break. There are ALWAYS several slips, more and less extreme. But W being open to C even after your snippy remarks is HUGE.
Rather than moping about what some OM says who W will come to despise in time says about YOU, take it as a challenge. BE the person you want to be in a healthy vibrant R. Be independent, Be confident, Be happy.
If you are finding it too damaging to be a doormat, don't be a doormat. Doormatting is always a bad idea. Set some boundaries. Stop doing things that hurt you. But try stepping back, detaching, giving W some space. She is emotionally going through a lot of what you have and she gets to combine that with shame for the A. She'll be all over the place. Don't take it personally.
P.S. It is FINE to say that for your own well-being, that family stuff needs to be separate (including Christmas) until at least OM is out of the picture, communication is stopped, and transparency is in place. But, that is boundary setting, not bailing. It is about what works for you.
The problem is that they are back in deep now. Multiple emails flying back and forth, professing their love. OM telling her she will never be happy with me and that he isn't going to move on with his life because he isn't sure she has the strength to carry thru with his. They are back in full flegged EA, not just recontact.
I gave her a ton of space over the last week...and this is the result. The more space she has, the more she and him go back and forth and what went wrong between them and how to make it right and what HE NEEDS from her. He is pushing her to make a strong statement for him
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Sleep - not well of course. Eating - ok - I've lost an appetite, but I learned from last time to keep on eating. I don't have an IC yet. That was going to be today's project but I got consumed with all this.
I am ok.
Anxiety is high. But I am ok, really. Much better than the first bomb.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
