Why do I even bother?

[Phenix70]

I've been very happy with my 180 progress & I feel great as a result.
Except for one thing, H is just pissing me off!
At this point I know we're not going to R, he has made it abundantly clear he doesn't want to try, that he is 100% done with our marriage, fine I accept that but his behavior towards me just makes me want to verbally smack him.
For instance, he can be cold towards me, then turn around & be so damn jolly towards his friends & even our pets, while I'm left to feel like the bad guy.
I hate this, I hate that I have to live in the same house with him because I have no money, no job & I'm 2400 miles away from my family & friends.
I'm stuck here with a man who can't be any more obvious about how much I disgust him.
I thought that at the very least we had been making progress as far his behavior towards me, but I was wrong.

Please someone tell me something, anything, that will give me a light at the end of the tunnel.
Even losing our child to a miscarriage was not as painful as this, having the man who I thought loved me, turn out to dislike me so much he can't stand to even have me touch his arm.