It's not over till it's over right?

[awest1217]

It is a little longer, but what happened is H moved out on April 1, 2009 after I caught him at OW's house when he told me he was staying late at work to get grades done before report cards.

H then moved in with OW and her H. Her H is a baseball trainer for a local college team so he was gone most of the time either with late games, practice, or out of town with the team for extended periods due to baseball having series.

H came home at the end of spring break for two days because OW's in-laws were in town, but as soon as they left he found a reason to leave again.

During that time, I only told my brother and sister. It wasn't until the beginning of May that I told people at work. My fellow science teacher saw something was wrong and asked so I told her. Then H came home around my birthday, April 17. He had OW come over the day after my birthday when he set up an apartment in our basement. I went down to do laundry and caught them kissing. He swears they weren't, he was just "leaning over her", but that was not true. I got so mad that I called one of his coworkers to see if he was doing stuff at school.

That of course got him mad and he left again. He then threatened that if he lost his job that he would make sure I lost mine, which is when I told my associate principal because I wanted her to know what was going on in case he did try to say something. I am a good teacher and don't do anything wrong. I am also well liked.

H and OW were already on everyone's radar because I guess H had been getting called into his principal's office for inappropriate stuff, and in March when my grandpa's funeral was, H went to work for half a day and left. OW left at the same time and everyone started saying they left to be together (way before I ever asked anything of anyone).

The rest of that school year H almost lost his job. My mom is also in the school system and said something to another aide about H living with OW. He then made me say I would lie if anyone asked so he wouldn't lose his job. Ultimately he blamed me for it all when the rumors and speculations started way before I knew anything. The rumors started when I was grieving the suicide of my grandpa, but he blamed me. I didn't know the rumors had started months before i knew, but later found out when I read a letter he wrote outlining everything in case he had to go in front of human resources. He was brought in twice before I knew and a number of times after I said something due to him and OW being in his room by themselves all the time. His students even told another teacher (mother to my sister-in-law's friend) that they didn't want to go in the room when OW was in there because they felt uncomfortable.

OW quit her job to save H's job so she became his saviour. I told him she should thank me because she has a degree in therapy, but instead was being an aide getting half the money she should be getting. After quitting, she now has a therapy job making a lot more money, which would not have happened if she didn't quit her job. Even then it was their actions that started everything not me.

After a summer off, I then told the counselors at work and a group of friends at lunch because August-December 2009 were my worst times. They all kept it to themselves, but asked me if I needed anything. My older male coworkers (my parent's age) came to me and said if I need anything to just call. They were all great. As for H, I didn't talk to any of his coworkers unless I saw them at a school function. Last year I went to a few school functions and it was hard because everyone thought we were a happy family when H was living in another house that was a family friend's while it was selling with OW.

I did see one of his coworkers last summer at the grocery store. She saw me and said hi and something else, and I said well if H comes home. She is one of the coworkers who I know for a fact was pushing H and OW to be together and even invited them on numerous outings with her so they could be together, but not be like they were "together". H got mad, but at that point I did not care because he made his decision. I was finally at a point where I know I did many things to not help the marriage and I had my faults as a wife, but I worked through them and am a different person now. H has been cheating on me since we were dating with many EA's. This was the first PA, although he won't admit it, I have proof.

Sorry it is so long, but I wanted you to know about my first few months (before finding this) because since your H and you are teachers it is very similar. Being in the same district is tough, but I would just go at your own pace. Do what feels right to you. I now just tell people we are divorcing unless they ask for more info, but for the 18 months, I had been trying to save my marriage because H said he wasn't decided yet. In that time I needed to vent about things that were happening otherwise I wouldn't have been able to deal with H in a way that I needed to. My coworkers were the only people who only knew me so I needed that. My friends and family all were both of ours so although they all "took my side" because they saw H out and about with OW, I still needed my sounding boards.

For you, it is hard because you are in the same district. Just do what you feel is best for you. I know in the high school people gossip a little less so I was ok, but elementary is horrible with talking to everyone. I hope this helps let you know that you are not alone.

Wishing you the best.