OK well in the case that you are worried about the stigma of divorce, but NOT about the affair, why not let people know (when you have to) that you are getting a divorce. If they ask, you can say your H met someone else. People will get it from there!
OR you say you are getting a divorce, but it isn't your choice.
I will need to find out some more background to see what has happened regarding the D in your sitch.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
