Mind Reading: you are looking at the professor in trying to analyze and mind read. I am terrible at avoiding it. In fact, I've attempted it so much one would think that I have it all figured out by now (don't of course).
Guilt is not necessarily a had thing. It means he still has feelings. And let the guilt eat at him a bit.
With what you have said about your H's need to take care of things...I too would keep quiet about it. He probably wants you to thank him to relieve some guilt and fill his needs...guess what, he isn't doing anything to try to fill yours and he should feel guilty...so I 100% agree with HFZ...if he brings it up a polite and sincere thank you is what you do.
What is a locum?
And remember, the bad days are not avoidable unfortunately. You are human. Minimize the downs and maximize the ups, that's all you can try to do
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Thanks for the message GW. Locum is filling in temporarily at another location. I know he will be doing a week or two at a time in FL. Our long term plan was to probably move within a year to FL. It would be closer to his family, a much shorter flight to Brazil anyway.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
It snowed a little yesterday... today he is back parking in our usual place. More time spent in CCU again today with him feeling/demonstrating comfort by helping his butt to some counter space. Walk by, looking good by the way (Painted my nails RED, he hates this)... and still felt nothing. I think he tried to get my attention as he walked by... I didn't look up, I was busy.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
First, I gave my final seminar for my program and it was probably the best presentation I have ever given, receiving LOTS of praise and attention from faculty to students.
My favorite part of it all was that my mentor introduced me as 'one of the most productive residents we have ever had' and started listing several accomplishments here and nationally... and did I mention OW was there Well suspected OW1 anyway, really suspect there is someone else but don't know who...
I don't think H was there... didn't see him but didn't look around because I didn't want to get nervous during the presentation. A lot of people there so I focused on the other side of the room.
Then, later in the day SIL found me (she is also a resident but in H's area). To this point I have seen her as a snake since OW1 and her are friends and I suspected she may be encouraging this. Today though, women's intuition told me otherwise. She needed to talk about changing her seminar date, I am in charge of this for all residents. She then used the time to talk a while telling me how good I look (this is the 2nd time hearing this from her during this whole DB experience) how good my presentation was and how she kept staring at me during the talk remarking to herself about my appearance/confidence.
We chatted a little while. Told her it is from running and getting in the best shape I have ever been in, considering running in a half marathon, learning to swim, focusing on the positive things that have come from this situation etc. Told her I think going through a situation like this changes you forever.
She told me that she wanted me to know she isn't taking sides, she likes us both, very heartfelt about it... gave her a big hug and she teared up. Told me she won't tell H anything we talked about (haha, yeah right! If she doesn't BIL prob will... not falling for that) and that her and H recently got into a fight. I told her I was sorry to hear that and refrained from asking why... women's intuition told me it may have something to do with her finally seeing through what is going on (maybe she didn't really see what H was up to...) and a culmination of work related frustrations.
Either way, I can see the DBing working on her...
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
OUTSTANDING NEWS! Great job. Look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. You are taking care of yourself and your life and look at the results. I need to take lessons from you!
W and I had another talk tonight that just went in circles again. She is sleeping in guest room tonight and I welcome the break at this point. Need to get her to see an IC if nothing else for her, her mind is a wreck and of course I still care.
You are a role model!
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
But, I don't have children to interfere with that and being separated greatly allows you to not be affected by their mood... not that I am suggesting you try it!
Isn't it so awful to watch them go through their inner turmoil but not be able to help them? That is the hardest part to me. Caring doesn't just stop.
I thought she was seeing an IC at one time? No?
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Just ran into OW1? in the hallway. She isn't normally here on the weekend. Smiled, said Hi, kept walking, didn't wait for an answer... and didn't get one. *smile*
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
(Painted my nails RED, he hates this)... and still felt nothing.
Well suspected OW1 anyway, really suspect there is someone else but don't know who...