MLC or just an EA?

[BeingMe]

Warning ---- 2x4 comet heading your way.

Whoa there Angel ... STOP! Think! Take a moment to just sit down and logically assess this situation.

When you and your H were buying the houses, and making your plans, did he say anything about not wanting to do it? That he would feel trapped? I have a sneaking suspicion not ... that these decisions were made during a stable, happy time of your M. Am I right?

You played right into his little sad rewrite of history. You should've turned around and walked away. You cannot do anything to make him happy, or secure. He is grown man, playing "poor sad little ol' me".

I defended myself. I cried and told him its just money, we should get down on our knees and pray and thank the Lord we are healthy, that we have jobs. I told him that we could sell both houses, I don't care if we are poor, as long as we are together. he said too late for all that.

You cannot defend yourself to a MLCer.
The concept of praying and being thankful won't make sense to him at this point.
For MLCers, its always too late, too little. They don't understand that issues in the M is shared by both ... they will always blame the other party, no matter if he/she was a saint. They have to justify their actions at all costs to keep at bay the guilt.

You must protect your financial stability. MLCers like to spend, and they will try everything to find a way to make themselves feel better by buying stuff saying they deserve it, even if it means destroying their credit, and that of their spouse. No-one deserves more than they earn, or put into their lives. The whole mess with economy was because people had that attitude.

So! Step back from his issues ... back away ... place boundaries about how you will allow yourself to be treated ... you are not the bad guy, you did not have an A ... if he goes back to OW, then he goes. You cannot control him. Only your response.

Maybe it is real.... he just hates me at this point? I am in one of those hating moods too. have been the whole day. don't like it, I am trying to go back to my happy mood but can't.

He doesn't hate you. He might think he does, but he doesn't. If anything, he probably hates himself for being so out of control.

Go watch a comedy, or have a cosmo with a couple of fun loving friends. Or, go for a walk to cool off. As you said to him, you should be praying in gratitude because you do have jobs, and homes, and cars and not much debt (very little as you say). Many people in the USA would envy you and your H. Do that too! Pray to Heavenly Father and tell Him how grateful you are for all that you have, that you have health, homes, food on your table and any other thing you can think. Then, saddle up on the DB horse again, and ride it.

Sorry about the 2x4 ... sometimes we need it. I know just how you feel ... I have been there many times, and am so glad that people on this bb pulled me through.

Take care.