Faith, I don't think she can recognize bounderies.
This boundary isn't for her. This boundary is for you.
Think about it this way, if she goes to see OM like she wants "permission" to do, and she's gone for a week. The whole time she's gone, you are going to be worried about what she's doing. THE WHOLE TIME she is gone, how do you think your going to react knowing your Wife is with another man? If you think you have trouble now...how are you going to feel when she comes HOME from being with OM and now you have to look at her?
How do you think she's going to view you, knowing you let her go be with an OM?
Are you okay walking this path, if say 2 months down the road she picks him over you?
You've heard the term act "As if", but based on the questions above, "What if" needs to be in your vocabulary.
There are a lot of people on this board that in hindsight wished they could have taken a more firm(Self Respect) stance to save their marriages, but to have saved themselves sooner too.
Originally Posted By: InAPickle
She's like talking to my brother when he's off his meds. He's bipolar and schizophrenic. Like talking to a crazy person - trust me.
Man, you have NO idea how much I understand what you are saying. My Wife is NUTS, she's like a twig that could snap in a strong breeze...her Job is in danger now...she's suspended on medical leave until she seeks help. (Just found this out today)
How do you handle your Brother when he's off his meds? Do you keep him away from you, until he gets back on them? Or do you just let him act crazy, hurt himself, and you until he figures it out?
Originally Posted By: InAPickle
I don't accept her going to see OM, I think she knows that. That's why the, "I don't trust you." I asked flat out are you going up there for sex. She just kept saying don't know over and over.
Why ask this? What would you do if she said yes? "Okay Honey, have a good time. We'll talk about our M when you come home."
Now, here is another problem, so she couldn't even tell you Yes or No? IAP, I know you want to save your M and reconnect, but you can't allow this to happen IN FRONT OF YOU. That is NOT a healthy stance and will HURT YOU in the long run.
It's okay to stand up for yourself. It really is. You can still work on reconnecting, but not if she goes to OM. It's just not going to work. It's best to TRY and stop this BEFORE a PA happens, otherwise the difficulty level will skyrocket.
Originally Posted By: InAPickle
I just said I wont throw her stuff in the driveway. And what would that accomplish? Only furthering my bad guy image.
Do not throw her stuff out in the driveway and she even expressed a concern about the exposure part. Validate her, "ok I will NOT do this, but if you go to see him I can't be in the same home with you knowing you did this and respect myself knowing I allowed you to take advantage of me being kind to you" (That better?)
