MLC or just an EA?

[angel61]

I spoke with hime yesterday, he responded to me long enough on the phone and for the first time, I was actually the one who said bye first!

[dbmod]

Good job!

[angel61]

Thanks for the encouragement. Finally got back home last night from my trip, he ignored me when I arrived but I acted cheerful, gave him a hug and kiss, and laughed and talked with D, acted "as if" everyting is fine.
I finally got back to my DR book and am reading it again. I realize now that my ambiguous feelings stemmed from getting out of the crisis mode and into opening up myself to the floodgates of other emotions (how right the book is really amazes me all the time).
My aim now is to get him to fall in love with me again. Although he was the one who ended the OW relationship, he still did it because he felt he was being dumped, so I don't know if he has any motivation at this point to come back to me.
My intuition says he still cares, but I strongly feel that he is denying it to himself, for some reason I cannot fathom.
What do I do?

[InAPickle]

Just gotta wait and wait and wait.
If you trust your intuition, obviously you don't give up.
Time has a way of bringing healing either way.
If he still has buried feelings for you, they will surface sooner or later, if not, you'll be ready. Plan for a long haul.

"The will of God will not take where the grace of God will not sustain you".

(might have to add that quote to my signature)

[angel61]

His eyes are so full of sadness. I keep on thinking back to the times that I first learned of the bomb - did I look the same way? So devastated? Did I radiate sadness and lose of hope? I must have too. I think I understand the DB principles - his demeanour right now seems to be pushing me away, the urge to give up seems stronger. I have to constantly remind myself that I have come this far, I have to see it through.

[StillLearning]

His eyes are so full of sadness. I keep on thinking back to the times that I first learned of the bomb - did I look the same way? So devastated? Did I radiate sadness and lose of hope? I must have too. I think I understand the DB principles - his demeanour right now seems to be pushing me away, the urge to give up seems stronger. I have to constantly remind myself that I have come this far, I have to see it through.

If I can get my W to reconsider I will have to remember this. I know I will have to really watch my anger and "act as if" to go slow enough to keep the positive changes going. I really hope I can get to the point you are at now.

[angel61]

It never ceases to amaze me how we all are such creatures of "reaction". That is why detaching in DB is so important - it lets the intelligent, logical person you are take over. I almost feel like two or three people, one who sees what should be done and another that just reacts. Freud did have something there when he described the id, ego and super-ego as all residing within our being.

[angel61]

I think he is breaking through - we ML this AM, one week after his OW break up. He seemed lighter, less isolated this morning, although still not talking much.

[angel61]

Its nearly the weekend, I am dreading having to stay at home for 2 days with him still in this withdrawn state. Will I be able to keep up the upbeat mood? I am telling myself I have to be the lighthouse. I love that lighthouse piece....

[angel61]

Set back!!!!

This AM when we woke up H started to talk to me about our credit card debt (barely any to tell the truth), our financial bind - OK, we have 2 houses, our rental doesn't make enough to cover mortgage, and we have no savings, but again, we make enough to pay everything. He starts blaming me all over again for our situation, for causing him to have MLC, he even hinted that I bought the house to bind his freedom, so he cannot do his stuff (mainly hunting)!!!! which relly blindsided me as I am not that devious!!!!! I had a meltdown.

I defended myself. I cried and told him its just money, we should get down on our knees and pray and thank the Lord we are healthy, that we have jobs. I told him that we could sell both houses, I don't care if we are poor, as long as we are together. he said too late for all that.

At this point, I just want OUT. But like Pickle, I don't want to be the bad guy. I almost want him to say it so I could agree.

But again, if I do, he might just go back to OW and I don't relish that idea. Plus I don't want to regret anything later on.

I am thinking, is it just his MLC? Was the OW break up premature? Is it because he is miserable and he has seen me being so happy that he is trying to drag me down to his level of misery? Is he looking for justifications to try to go back to OW? Or to prove his original statement that it was not OW that made him think of leaving n the first place?

Maybe it is real.... he just hates me at this point? I am in one of those hating moods too. have been the whole day. don't like it, I am trying to go back to my happy mood but can't.