Working on acceptance and forgiveness

[AntoniaB]

Like Mila, my H and I have had zero intimate contact since the OW--he won't even talk to me about his feelings about processing the end of our marriage because he says that would be "betraying the OW" as then he'd be having an emotional affair with me! The only thing he ever volunteered was that he was deliberately not taking her places he once took me to.

Well, the reason I say I "want to be done but maybe I'm not" is that the thing that set off my feeling to be done was that this morning I got a listing from match.com (I never registered but answered 80% of the questions, so they send me matches all the time) of a guy who looks pretty amazing and compatible with me based on all the info/pics/job type/interests/etc., and he is local, and I am lonely for physical attachment--if you want to know the truth :-)

I don't see people talk about that stuff much on here, but my H and I had an amazing intimate life--right up until he left, even, that was never a part of the marriage that suffered at all, especially in the past few years. And so to be cut off cold turkey from all physical contact--even just hugs/kisses--has been brutal.

I feel like he walked away from me and he never had to go ONE DAY without this part of things, and here I am, 6 months, with nothing but girlfriend hugs, and I hate it. So I saw that guy on match.com, thought, you know, I've been telling myself that he was the ONLY ONE for me, but you know, maybe there are other fish in the sea, and this fish is local, and maybe I should throw in the towel.

I know, that's not a reason to throw in the towel--but it is part of it. When Eric asked that provocative question it sort of jolted me back to the larger picture, to what was in my heart. I guess I was thinking with something other than my heart today :-) Sorry if that was too graphic, I just think it's something we don't often talk about here but it's a reality.