Should I directly ask my W if she wants to work on saving this M?
Based on what you have posted, no.
She says she wants out, wants nothing. You heard that, I know, because you wrote it.
If you keep coming back with "Do you want to save this marriage?", it's going to sound a lot like, "Wah, wah, wah, wah, how you feel is not important to me, wah, wah, wah, wah".
This should be an easy seperation if it comes to that--she doesn't want anything yet. That part of it I would work out ASAP if she moves out. You'll have a nice littel contract that she gets what she took when she left".
She may need to go out on her own, so prepare yourself for that. I can guarantee that as long as you are fighting her (and that's what you are doing when you refuse to believe what she is telling you when she says how she feels), things are not going to get better.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Ok I agree but at the same time I am not fighting her and have not pushed another councillor I was tossing around the idea. It may not matter but the words I want a sep I want a div have not come from her mouth. She also is not rushing into action to make this purchase happen. I am preparing for her to leave at the same time.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
I've been told to give it time as well not mention div or seperation or moving because time will thin the A fog. If that's the case. That's the 1% of hope I am holding onto. She already could've left and stayed elsewher there r options just not the ones she wants I am not stopping her but I am not starting conversations about it.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
BTW, telling somebody who says they want to move out (that's a seperation) that you want to work on the marriage is arguing with them... just so we're clear.
If she says, "disbelief, I need to move out".
What do you say?
"I get it. You feel like you need to move out.".
You heard her. Don't fight her.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I understand and I have ended any conversation with a statement not arguing with whag she wants. To do. Rt now I feel like throwing in the towel. If I was a teen I would but I have kids and xmass to consider. Alot of what I say here is what I would like to do but I don't because I know it will make it worse. I would love to have a screaming argument to vent but I haven't. we are in counseling she hasn't said I don't want to go. She wouldn't answer the mc when asked if she wanted a D. Maybe she really just doesn't know. If she says I found a place I will express ok that's what u need and u know we all would like u here to that effect but giving her full freedom to go.
Very frustrated ......I don't know what she truly wants or needs and it is going to wear me down.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
No probably not as she walks out the door. If someone really wanted out wouldn't they be rushing all the appointments and paperwork needed to make it happen instead of not chasing those things ASAP? I know when we bought our house she made it happen faster!
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
