Sinclair. I know you know this but your wife really, really needs to consistent with her medication for depression for it to be effective at all. Is there any way to broach this with her or her doc? is she getting the meds from her family doctor or psychiatrist. Many family docs just write scripts without really looking into the issue. A psych doc would be able to find the right med that would work for her.
This is a sticky issue because depression can cause a host of issues an gives a person fuzzy thinking. I wouldn't trust any decision she made based on the fact that her meds are all over the place. Maybe should could try something else, if she had issue with Prozac.
Many docs will give patients something for anxiety. The old-school docs call them tranquilzers.
In my opinion, as long as you are committed to saving your marriage dating is a bad idea. You not only give yourself a good chance to confuse yourself, you unfairly bring another party into a situation that really, isn't fair to them.
There's nothing wrong with hanging out with women on a non-romantic level IMO. It's when you start doing it as a ploy to get your W back that it becomes ethically wrong because you're yanking a third person's emotions into it.
"I don't think I want to go, too long, without companionship." If you really think you can't survive without a woman, then your life will always be out of your control. How long is "too long" for you? A couple of months and you start falling apart already?
If you want to date for the sake of getting a romantic relationship, then file for divorce while you're doing so. Show that you are 'done'.
GAL does not have to include "dating". It's building yourself back up with activities that you want to do. Again, not as a ploy. The dating thing is an individual choice and not a "DB" principle.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
btw--this officially makes you a DB success story. Now keep the changes going, build.
Go to piecing if you'd like. If you expound on step 2), others will be able to learn from you. If all you do is say you set a boundary, others will miss the part that attracts someone back.
Dbmod, I don't see how you can claim that this is a success story. Sinclair's WAW has done nothing but say that she wants to come back. Her actions have shown nothing to prove what she's saying. Aren't we supposed to believe nothing of what they say and only 50% of what they do? I've been Piecing for 18+ months and I still don't consider myself a success story. Stating that this is a success story that should move to Piecing is really premature and giving Newcomers false hope.
Just my .02 cents.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Piecing IS a state of mind, state of relationship, not a legality.
DBing is not a once and done success story. I've been piecing my relationship for probably 6 years.
We need to learn HOW to define success, so we recognize it early on and build on it.
The prevailing mindset around here for a long time is doom and gloom. Success is when you and your partner are working together, not when you've renewed your vows, or one of you is dead without having jumped to divorce.
sg
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I'm sorry for being blunt. THIS DOES NOT WORK. Let me repeat the most common and strongest piece of advice that you have heard here:
"DO NOT DISCUSS THE RELATIONSHIP." You are only going to hear what you don't want to hear. If you make it to piecing, that time will come.
If they are to come back, these WAW's need to see: strength, change and security. They need to be free of dependence. They need to feel attraction. And they need to see this WITHOUT you VERBALIZING it. You are a player on a stage now and she is watching the show. Will she see Russell Crowe as Gladiator or Rigoletto? La donna e mobile.
Those couples, from my experience here, who have made it back to piecing, were able to cut the rope, not look back, go on with their lives and totally detach.
Can you do that? It's the only method that works.
[--edited by dbmod: advertising]
Supporting you.
FIB
Last edited by dbmod; 12/05/1007:29 PM.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I don't think I want to go, too long, without companionship.
Seems like it might be my time to GAL
I felt the same way. However, after doing some soul searching and really working on myself I realized that my self worth and my happiness is NOT tied to having companionship.
If you NEED a woman/wife in your life, then you have a lot of work to do to prove to yourself you DON'T. It's when you face your fear of being alone and conquer that co-dependency trait you have, that you will truly find what actually makes you happy.
I watched the movie "The Expendables" last night. Stallone made a comment that just reached out and said it best: "The guys that do the best with Women are the guys that can live without them too"
