You'd fit in better if you rambled on forever . . . .
1. You're WAY ahead of things . . . this board is full of people who tried to keep quiet and "wait until this passes" for years, some for decades.
2. He doesn't have to be gay. He could be, but it's not the only explanation.
3. He may prefer masturbation because masturbation comes with no risk of failure or feeling inadequate (if you noticed that his technique wasn't the best, he probably knows--but can't bring it up.)
4. He may prefer masturbation because he feels shame when he has sex with you. Could be he doesn't feel like he measures up, or he feels sex is dirty, or whatever.
5. He may have had these problems before he met you, and hoped that the rush of sexual feeling he had with you in the early days meant that it would be different with you.
6. He may be having enough trouble that he has some desire for sex but there's a threshold of effort he won't cross, and masturbating in front of the computer is an instant-gratification kind of fix that takes almost no effort.
These are just thoughts off the top of my head.
Advice? Sure, but it's free and it's worth what you pay for it.
1. This forum is handy, but have you read the book it's based on? It actually does help a lot of people; it really made a big difference for me. I tried for years to tell my wife how much our sex-starved marriage was hurting me. Reading The Sex-Starved Marriage helped her see how much pain I was really in after everything else had failed; she literally cried after reading the first chapter, though it took a long time after she agreed to read it before she actually did it. Reading it also helped me realize that I had to decide whether I was willing to accept our sex-starved condition, and what I was willing to do about it. I would never have had the courage to tell my wife that we were headed for a divorce without reading the book, and that was the only thing that shocked her out of her complacency.
2. If you can, it might be time to get someone else involved. It would be great if you could find a good sex therapist, especially if your husband would go with you. Many of us live far from the nearest sex therapist (ST), though.
3. There are also other authors, like David Schnarch (Passionate Marriage) I would recommend.
4. Do things you can do on your own as much as possible. Do things that make you feel better. Do things you enjoy. Do things that make you feel stronger. Don't wait until your husband is willing to join you!
