She asked me to go shopping with her this morning and we spent a couple of hours purchasing stuff for her apartment. It has only been a month and she is still getting settled.
She was pleasant enough, but different from the day before. I asked her how she was feeling and if she had anything to add to our discussion? She told me that she became very anxious after she left; that our talk reminded her of how things were between us before; and that she had to take a tranquilizer to calm herself down. She went on to tell me that she was confused and really didn't know what she wanted.
I told her that was fine; that she should take her time and be more comfortable with her decision; that as long as she wasn't dating other men, I'd be there for her.
Then she told me that she wasn't dating and hadn't been for a long time. "What about last weekend" I interjected. Then she went on to concoct a new story about spending the night at a girlfriend's house (after having freely admitted that she had been with OM last weekend).
So, I reminded her of my boundaries and made it very clear that I could not continue in our relationship if she was dating OP. I went on to say that her dishonesty was harming our friendship and she needed to make a choice. Either we are working on our marriage and not dating OP or we are living separate lives however we choose. I said that we could maintain our friendship, no matter what choice she made. But, "I need clarity, so I can get on with my life, one way or the other."
That's when she said, "are those my only options." Honestly, I couldn't think of any other options. So, I asked her if she had some ideas? Perhaps I missed something? "No" she said; then she asked me what I wanted? "To work on our marriage, of course," which is about the time that I started to break down.
She never gave me an answer. I left with a back rub and the feeling that I'd blown a whole month's worth of DBing.
I miss having her in my life. Sometimes I still don't accept that this is happening to us.
