The kid handoff was civil on Monday - H came in but left quickly. For the rest of the week H has been very withdrawn - for the first part of the week he didn't even respond to emails about the kids with a "thanks", like he normally would.
I made a mistake Monday evening and sent him an email explaining again why I didn't think any comments I made had a chance of breaking up his "friend" at work and her fiance. He had also accused me of isolating him from another friend, so I sent her an email apology in case I said something that made her uncomfortable; I forwarded her response to him Tuesday. She said I had been very respectful and that she considered their friendship to be the same as it had been.
H complained again Sunday that I never appreciated him, so I've been sending him one thank-you email a day for something he did or said in our relationship that I might never have properly appreciated at the time. In the first one I told him to let me know if this made him uncomfortable and I would stop. He didn't say anything about it Mon night and hasn't mentioned them since.
Had to call H last night to tell him D4 needs counseling. He sounded very sick/tired/depressed/something and then was really quiet after I told him about the conversation I had with her. Once again, there were pauses, and I was the first to hang up the phone. Had to email him a few times today to coordinate appointments for the kids, and he was terse sometimes and gave extra information sometimes.
H is really insecure, and I make a very convenient scapegoat for all things that are wrong in his life. I'm realllly tired of that, and I'm getting more and more fed up with the way he treats me/has treated me for the last year.
I cancelled the MC appointment for next week; before I could tell him he emailed me to say he wasn't going anyway.
Reality should be sinking in for him soon, if it hasn't already. D4 is upset enough to need therapy, and H should have the initial divorce papers in hand very soon, if he doesn't already (he hasn't brought my copy to me yet).
My plan? Continue working to change my own behaviors (the 180s) for me and the kids. Continue to GAL. Continue sending him one appreciation a day by email, without ever bringing it up in conversation - it is a (long overdue) gift to him, with no expectation of reward. Be civil, don't try to draw him out, but respond if he initiates conversation. Repeat "I am getting divorced" in the mirror 10 times a day until I can say it without tearing up. That will help me speak to him calmly about it without clinging (I hope).
