I wanted to ask a couple of more questions, plus fill in some information I left out in the first post to save time. I wanted to make sure it wasn't too long...
First, about time together and creating an atmosphere in which love is even possible. We have not separated, but travel has been a constant for the last year. Before we moved and before the affair WAW was in NYC a lot during the week. We weathered that ok, including a rather dramatic trip home on the last train out of Penn Station when the big blizzard hit.
I had been teaching public school for 12 years-Bill, I see you know that gig! I was tired, frustrated, and actually did a little counseling for depression last year.
When my WAW was offered her new job in NYC it seemed like a godsend. Not only was the money great but I could take a sabbatical. However, to finish my studies, I have had to be OUT OF TOWN a lot. It was supposed to be 3 days a week but ended up 4 or more many weeks.
Then the affair happened, shortly after we moved.
Revelation of the affair happened 5 days before school started. My offer to take leave was one more of the heart than of reality at that point.
We live within walking distance of my wife's work. Thankfully I can get off the travel roller coaster in a couple of weeks. She has asked me to find a holiday job, though I have been gone so much that is difficult. I am working on finding a real job in New York.
But here's the thing.
She doesn't want me there. I almost cry thinking about it. Even before I exposed her she was starting to treat me terribly to try to get me to leave. I am concerned it is coming again. She doesn't want to have dinner with me, she is rude to me verbally sometimes, and much prefers to spend time with a couple of girlfriends to me. They have been offered comp tickets to her performances instead of me. (The girlfriends are a lesbian couple.) She once told me when I called her on it that if I wanted to be treated better, to leave and find someone else who would.
A family member that desperately wants to save the marriage told me to leave for Christmas because my presence pushed her away. DB coach said absolutely not, and I am not.
But she doesn't respect me. She doesn't want me around. How can I possibly get her respect back if verbal insults start flying, as they have in the past? How can I be there and not push her away as I am trying to GAL. I can be out of the house more and not dote on her, but she really just wants to force me to leave.
