I have been working on myself and I know the changes are needed no matter what happens to my M. When we got into swinging I thought our M was rock-solid and would never have done it otherwise. It is long and complicated but it was exciting when I was involved, not exciting when she was doing it by herself. If the sex had just been sex that was one thing but I started noticing the drifting in an emotional way and that’s when I started snooping b/c I lost trust…in turn, she lost trust in me for snooping. I've learned from those mistakes and found that moral compass, that's why if we can reconcile I don't want to swing at all ever again...just have to be careful not to be controlling in the other direction after everything that's happened.
No kindle or money right now but I did read some of the reviews on amazon. Our situation is somewhat different b/c I was pushing my W around for so long and she was trying to appease me. Now the power dynamic has changed completely and she has all of the power. I appreciate the advice and I understand about taking care of me and making myself a better person but for now I am taking dmod’s advice to not take a hardline with my W b/c it will backfire. I have to work better at DBing the right way and not let any of my “more of the same” slip in.
