She's in MLC, but I was weak. Now what?

[ericmsant2]

Crushed,

I still think of this as a strategy rather than a life change.

Doing something repeatedly albeit by tactic, results in a habit.

Habits become the basis of our behavior

Our behavior becomes……(you answer that one)

It's so ingrained that with the right tools, anything can be fixed. Except here.

I guess it depends on what you are trying to FIX. Are you trying to FIX HER or YOU? Or the M? DBing IMHO, is about fixing YOU. If the result is a saved M, well then amen – if not, then at least you have been saved/improved.

she was so adamant that I acknowledge my errors.

Do YOU KNOW WHY?

I f'ed up, but not nearly enough for the M to get the death penalty.

Hmmm….is one wrong more hurtful than another wrong? You acknowledge that you f’ed up BUT that your M should NOT get the death penalty – that is how YOU view it. She sees it differently. Maybe she was hurt by your actions more than she herself acknowledged? Compassion Crushed. It’s hard to give when your getting chit on…but it is well worth it’s weight in gold.

I get angry when speculating on the impact this separation is having on my kids. They are confused.

OMG – I can relate. Guess what, I fought for a LONG time….a very LONG TIME….No, let me repeat…a VERY LONG TIME, the impact that this would have on my kids. Buddy, sorry to say – they will be impacted. YOU can help change HOW they are impacted or how they view this. It will take time. My advice 1) accept it 2) continue to be a rock for them 3) learn patiences….because ONE day your kids will know and 4) take comfort in knowing that you are doing the best you can.

My thick skull has taken it's share of pummeling and I've got force this stuff to sink in.

Was that an invite for a 2x4 – JK.

and being thankful for the people and things I do have in my life.

Can I hear an amen

Problem is she's got a whole life of issues to unload, so it may take a loooong time.

Ayep….my question to YOU though Crushed is this….what about YOUR LIST OF ISSUE TO FIX. Have you gotten to all of them yet?

but I'm still giving doing my best to wait her out.

That’s all you can ask of yourself bud.

She hasn't filed, so she must be unsure of herself. That, or as Hope says, she's waiting for me to validate her feeling that the M is over.

You validate her feelings by living your life the best way you can, whilst also validating how SHE feels when you interact with her. She is entitled to feel the way that she does and SO ARE YOU. I think sometimes we forget this. We too have feelings, so do not discount your feelings. One other piece of advice. Focusing on IF and WHEN she will or will not file does YOU no good.

God Bless,
Eric