I would highly recommend working on yourself, developing a plan for how you are going to make yourself a better person - for you.
From reading your comments you do not appear to have a moral compass, if you did then you would recognize the similarity between sharing your spouse in a sexual manner (by your choice) and them sharing themselves with someone in a sexual manner with someone else (by their choice.)
I guess this was something you found exciting when you were in 'control' of the situation.
No Mr Nice Guy is a book you might get something out of. You can buy it via Kindle and download it in minutes.
