It sounds like you are torn between trying to reconcile and starting something with someone new. Whatever happens with H, it has to be something new -- a new M or a new R as X-spouses.
The thing is, while H sounds like he'd like to reconcile, it doesn't seem as if he's done anything to make a new R work.
Maybe it is time to read or reread PM. Get VERY clear, be VERY direct with yourself and H about what you want from a romantic R, how what happens now will affect your choices in one month or six months (or whatever).
But, for your own sake, make sure you are DONE before getting involved with someone else. Your confusion shows you aren't DONE. You have a dear friend. Getting involved now risks not only that friendship but a potentially wonderful romantic R in the future AFTER you've fully emotionally divorced your H.
