I have been off the boards for a while and just caught up with your sitch.
First, the pain and hurt you feel will take time to heal. Personally, I think it takes many YEARS. The only way is to take it day by day and just focus on trying to live your life the best way you can.
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Why do I even let my H get to me the tiniest bit!!
Because you still have feeling for him. It’s normal so don’t beat yourself up over it. DB101 - detach.
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Im so mad at him
This anger is probably because of…
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He was wanting what he always wants...sex.
This ^^^^
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I almost gave in...He knows what to say and do to get to me and I hate it.
Are you saying that you cannot control yourself? Sounds like it to me, which begs the question…why can’t Kissak control herself?
I’m also amazed that you almost gave in. Why do you keep allowing him to bait you into the bedroom?
Kissak, I am not trying to smack ya with a 2x4…okay maybe I am….take a look at your WORDS below…
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even if he was with another woman. Thats who he is.
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Even back when I did give in he was with the woman he left me for, she was his "soulmate" and he cheated on her.
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He will continue to hurt women like this
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he told me, he wants some loving
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I feel its all because I wont have sex with him the way he wants
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I told him NO several times today, that I dont like the violence
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He wanted sex of course, well he wanted me to do everything
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I told him NO several times today, that I dont like the violence.
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I do not like the anger in the bedroom
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He wanted sex (just sex), I didnt.
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actually to him it came across as "you want me to kiss your butt all day so I can get sex at night?"
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The thing is sex has been about the only thing holding us together over the last 4 years
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He is a sex addict.
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he is doing the same thing to these vulnerable women.
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when I did give in he was with the woman he left me for, she was his "soulmate" and he cheated on her.
Kissak, I know that you are aware of the issues that your H has (and FTR, maybe he can fix himself – IDK), so why do you keep allow him to bait you? Why?
IMO, until you answer that question and the other questions that YOU yourself have pondered (see below quotes) you will continue to ride this rollercoaster.
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I dont know why I let him manipulate me like this.
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I dont know what I am wanting
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Today, I havent heard from him at all. But I dont know if this is good for me or not.
Okay, you don’t know if this is good for you…that is fair then let me ask you this….WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU? Define it sweetie cause no one can do that BUT YOU.
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that he will try again
He can try all he wants – isn’t this YOUR life? IMHO, until you really figure out why YOU react when “he knows what to say and do to get to me” you will continue to be in this difficult sitch. Why Kissak do you keep allowing him to pull you in? Why?
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It seems it will never end.
IT will when 1) YOU CHOOSE to allow it to end and 2) When God says it is time. As a good friend of mine reminded me of yesterday….”in God’s time – not ours”.
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I cant be friends with him
I think I have given you my views on this. 1) Define what friend means to YOU 2) You can be civil, which in turn may turn into more of a friendship, however, I believe this takes time.
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expecting to hear from him all the time, then when he doesnt call or talk, I feel forgotten.
WHY do you feel forgotten? What does this tell YOU?
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I did enjoy a nice walk last night with this guy that lives down my road. He is interested in dating me
FAR be it from ME to even respond to this quote….Part of me wants to say do as I say not as I do. Having said this, take your time. You may think you’re ready and you may or may not be ready. So tread lightly with this.
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This also happens to be the guy that dated my H's first OW for a while last year.
Birds of a feather flock together.
Hurt people = vulnerable people (trust me I know from experience…BTDT). So as good as it may feel, you both may be hurt and finding comfort with each other – be careful.
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He texted me this morning to tell the kids he loved them and good morning. I just said Ok, Good morning. Then he wished me a good day and I said thanks, u 2.
I have often heard and read about the MLCer that sucks the LBS back in (matter of fact I lived it yesterday). I think the LBSer must determine when the communication is warrant and then respond accordingly. Why doesn’t he contact the kids directly?
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I am having issues with being angry at myself for even taking him back in the first place
Hmmmm….angry at taking him back OR angry AT THE REASONS YOU TOOK HIM BACK? Think about that.
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Im really mad at myself for trading in my car back in August
Yeah, you can join me and we can BOTH ask Mila to borrow her car. Or better yet, I’ll ask Mila and you can ask Trusting. LOL
Chin up Kissak and please start to answer some of these questions for YOURSELF.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
