As far as your H seeming happy to keep S overnight and texting you all caps 'ITS NO ISSUE WHATSOEVER,' he probably is happy to have S. Do you think he thinks you don't think he can handle it? Could be him just projecting his own worries on to you, but its a thought.
My H blamed me for thinking he was incompetent, but that wasn't the case. He never seemed to WANT D, so I just did things myself. Why force someone else to do what I like doing?
Anyway, I really had to get the ball rolling with him taking D for overnights and step back. With the exception of OW exposure (yuck!) he reall has done great. This had been good for my D3 too. Their relationship is strong now, and I am happy about that.
Don't know if that would apply to your sitch, but thought I'd throw it out there.
As far as that iPhone, it is cool. Probably more guilt motivated than anything else, but him insisting on using his tip money seemes odd to me. He had my ok to use the joint account, so I'm not sure what he is up to. He has some big intimacy issues, and buying things is one way he likes to try to connect.
Probably will restate that it is ok for him to use the account for the phone, but will drop it if he wants to do things this way. Just surprises me since he is only earning tip money, no paychecks at all anymore.
