"I want to be his friend but coach thinks for my cooling off period I should just stick to talks about the kids and the finances."
Why did the coach recommend that?
Need help?
"I have some internal trust and self esteem issues I need to work on right now."
You listed Trust first.. so that is what is most important to you.
He needs to earn that. You can't fix that on your own.
So for now.. we throw Trust away.
Self Esteem.
What is it? Why did you loose it?
"we cant go back to the way our marriage was."
OK.. gimme some heartfelt words that explain where you want to be.
Who is Hopeless29?
What does she have to offer?
Understand.. that I am gonna hold you to the words.. "You can't go Back."
Forest I hope I posted this correctly....
Question 1) I think the coach asked me to stick to just baby talk and finances because EVERY conversation I have with H I bring up why cant we go to counciling this is fixable I know it -- we didnt give it a try we spent so much time breaking it-- ect... I am confused because I feel like if I make small talk I am only making it easier for H to close the door. He has mentioned several times to me that all he wants is to be friends. So if I meet his friend need and he is still partying and looking for women I dont understand how that brings us closer... so I think that may be why she asked me to only stick to the basics and give him time to miss me.
2.) Self Esteeem to me means being confident in your own skin. Not having to have your H to tell you everytime you go out you need a compliment and when they dont give it you ask them why they didnt say it - THIS IS ME. I live for his approval on everything - when I cook - when I buy him gifts ect... I have surrounded myself with my family and used them in a bit to make me happy which leads to confidence. I stopped carrying about everything except making everyone happy and even then towards September I stopped trying to make the H happy and started to shut down. I just stopped feeling good about myself - my life and my marriage. I think my turning point was becoming a mommy and taking the time to take care of myself. I changed as I use to be a strong career women and left that to be a stay at home mom who works part time (I also think this may be a turning point two years ago)
3.) I am ashamed to say I dont know who I am anymore. When all of this happened I spent a weekend with some girlfriends and I watched how they had all managed their lifes and had prsonalitties and I remember thinking to myself in the car who am I??? I am trying to desperatly figure this out. Who am I as a wife - who am I as a mommy and who will I become now that H has left and I am faced with a divorce. I do know I want this -- someone who doesnt forget to show emotion --- someone who doesnt forget to say I love you everyday (parents - babies --H) someone who doesnt take life and experiences for granted - has an open mind and an open heart. I want to laugh again and be that vibrant person with confidence and humor. I feel very plan jane right now.
4.) I have tremendous abouts of love and passion to offer. My H says I dont but I do - I just lost site of it. I am a very good friend as I am giving -caring - loving
I dont know what other emotions you are looking for from me - I am filled with them and expressing them like a facuet. I am mad one day and ready to tell him to file the divorce - the next day I want to fight for him and have hope he is coming back- the next day I am sad as I seem to realize he is lost and not coming back - and everyday is spent crying in secret spots so my babies dont see me sad- Meanwhile H continues to call and act like we are best friends -- goes out spends all the money(he took me off of the account)-and is happy in his new life - I am the one left behind with great pain - I think I always thought if we didnt make it I would be the one to leave since I was the one unhappy but now he left.
