I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[awest1217]

I completely agree whatisis. The girls will suffer some from the D, but they will suffer more if their parents don't work together. Now that doesn't mean be friends or anything, but that you can work together on your main project which is your girls. Saying hi to STBXW and good-bye, maybe once in a while "how are you doing?" or staying in the room when she is around, would help the girls so much more than if you prove to them that it is all STBXW's fault that you are all miserable.

Also reading the book again will give you some hope, but STBXW is not going to want to reconcile if you keep acting rudely. Would you want to be around someone who is acting like you? You have said numerous times how STBXW is an ice queen. Are you reflecting that persona back to STBXW or are you going to rise above and melt her a little by being nice when it comes to the girls? It may never mean reconciling, but wouldn't it be nice to not always feel horrible everytime you see STBXW or to not dread seeing her? Wouldn't it be better to show your girls that you were the reason their family could get along peacefully?

Financially, I understand it is hard on the girls. I am realizing more and more how hard it is going to be being a single mom, but one question and I know I am being devil's advocate, if you are so concerned about the girls, then why are you insisting on a settlement for yourself from STBXW? If you read my sitch, I am getting nothing from H, but I also don't owe anything. It is going to be very hard on me for the next 10 years because I have the car to pay off (2.5 more years), and work towards refinancing the house. When the house and car were bought, there were two incomes and could easily be afforded, now it is so hard. Now I understand with your sitch you have credit cards and other loans that have to get paid mostly from STBXW racking them up, but you were also in the house at that time and could have not signed off on getting those credit cards. I am just wondering is the $11,000 so important if the girls are worried about their mom and money? I understand you want to get you financially sound so you can help the girls future (college) and you want STBXW to understand and suffer a little for what she has done (I am there as well, but my H isn't ever going to suffer financially and it urks me so something I have to work on), but what about the right now? Like I said sorry, but being on the other side of the coin makes me have a little sympathy for STBXW as well.

Maybe if you could sit in her seat for a while, maybe then you can get a little sympathy for her. Yes, she messed up and chose this path, my H also did and at times I really struggle with the fact that I am the one hurting and struggling while he is living the high life going out, going on vacation, buying new clothes, but I still feel sorry for him because he is missing out on so much and the only way for me to really get revenge is like you said "live a life well lived". I am doing my best to live a good life and I have heard from H on numerous occasions how he is impressed with how I handled different situations. Live your life and stop obsessing about STBXW. Find a way to coexhist like you would with a coworker you don't particularly like.