Forest Gump Thank you for the list of questions --- its so hard to take a deep look at yourself and not blame yourself. I was the one for about a month and a half expressing concern over our marriage - our intimacy and how lonely and disconnected I felt from him. He never responded and I pulled back more - my insecurities grew more - I never felt I was "hot" enough for my husband. He hung out with a very ritzy attractive crowd and I always felt insecure around them -- hence why I hated when he went out with them. My husband also in the past has made comments to me about weight, ect..I dont know who I am anymore except for being a wife and mommy. I know I need to work on finding me right now but that is what is scaring me. I think the coach wanted my husband "to miss me a bit" as when wee got seperated he got so comfortable with seperation he called me honey baby and called like nothing was wrong as long as I didnt bring up anything about us. Of course tonight I did - and he was furious and said I thought we were cooling off for the Holidays... I just cant help it I may have to go to the book store and buy this book I cant wait for it anymore. I dont want to go back to the same marriage -- I would want us to create a different one that addressed our issues and met both of our needs. I dont want to be in a marriage where either of us are unhappy
I dont know who I am right now. I use to be energetic - funny and fun to be around. I took pride in taking care of myself. Now I think I am just consumed with work which has lost its luster and being a mom - I stoped nurturing my marriage and my husband. I want to be that vibrant funny and independent person again - I want to be happy with myself and less dependent on my husband or anyone else for happiness.
I'm going to respond to you here because I see this as your 'main'thread, and it's easier for folks to follow you if you stick to one thread.
Of course your husband would communicate this same message/feelings that he's giving to you to your BIL.
"My brother-in-law called me to tell me he finally spoke to my H and my H said he is done."
It's just more of the same communication of the way he feels in this moment.
This is not the end of the game. It's just the first 'first' touchdown', and you are not playing well. That's ok, change your game.
Your coach is right, you are in the LRT, which is a version of the 180. You communicate business-like and you have to act more non-chalant about your relationship.
What is different about you now from when you first fell in love? You mentioned your husband has talked about your weight. You probably need to address that to attract him back.
Did your coach recommend other changes?
Even with his words, there still is hope. Pay more attention to his actions than his words, but really listen when he talks about things he was unhappy with and things he is happy with in his life currently. These things will give you clues as to what you can do.
Thank you Dbmod I was feeling hopeless and thinking that I might not want to be with someone who doesnt even want to try to fix our marriage and is so willing to walk away and be a part-time dad....I have made some positive changes as my coach said finding some outside interests. Joined a gym this week and weight watchers. I am destined to get this baby weight off 20 pounds to go for ME, I want to find myself. I still havent gotten the book yet bought it online so I am probably messing everything up. Dbmod - how is your relationship now with your H?
Hi forest - I thought I read in her email that her BIL called her with a similar story like my H - thats why I assumed Dbmod was a women, I am sorry if that came off wrong I am just grasping at anything to "related" to an experience so I dont feel alone in mine thats all I meant by that. I did answer your questions in a previous post did it not post I am new at this posting stuff never did it before.
"I did answer your questions in a previous post did it not post I am new at this posting stuff never did it before."
Well.. what is "here" now everyone can read. I missed the post where you answered the questions. If you don't see it either.. could I kindly ask you to answer them again? I understand you are new. No pressure.. just when you have time.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
