From a completely sexual standpoint the swinging was great but the damage it caused is not worth it. If I get my wife back I wouldn’t ever bring up swinging again. If she did, I would have to feel completely secure in our marriage (which was my illusion when we started) and I’m not sure then that I would be okay with it. She didn’t like how insecure I got when she was swinging alone and started snooping and we talked about it, she said it made her feel worthless because she wasn’t special to me anymore. She told me that I wanted anybody but her while I had always been enough for her in every way. Very tough to hear and not get overly defensive about.
Yeah, in texts she has brought up selling the house. Financially it doesn’t make sense to me because we were lucky to find this house in our price range and I don’t think either of us could get another one for a long, long time. I am furious inside about finding this guys stuff in the house but part of my anger management is not to let it out…so even saying it here is fudging a bit on that. I didn’t notice the signs earlier when she started dressing better and putting on perfume more often. I am at a loss; I can live out of my truck because it is set up for long-haul driving. Basically, it is like I have moved out right now. If she was to move out and the animals aren’t there I could probably still pay for the house b/c the mortgage is low and the utilities would be almost nil with how often I would be there.
I think what you guys are trying to get at about the real complaints is: I’ve done a lot of things wrong in all of this but do still feel she contributed by always trying to pacify me. I haven’t actually let go and forgiven her for what happened in the past. I feel that the situation is unfair but I wanted to avoid the hard-line approach. I just re-read the MLC section and I think I was going through it a bit but now she is. She’s said that she wants to start over and have a new life; she’d give up everything she has including the house, car, and animals and that I am not part of the equation. She just wants this part of her life to be over with.
Two options I see:
1. Let her live in the house (and if the guy is there then suck it up) and just live in my truck. If she brings up finances again about splitting bills and such just tell her that we need to do that and ask what her ideas are. When I have time off from work I can ask to visit the animals as if I were getting visitation with children. If she says no, then I just act cool and ask her when I can.
2. I tell her that she can go ahead and move out and I will live in the house. We split up the debt and if she can take the animals with her and let me visit great, if not, I hate to lose them but the only way I can keep them is if I can get a different job.
