I am sure that your wife has issues and that they have helped the division between the two of you. I want to acknowledge that first.
Know that it's not enough to suddenly want to love your wife and want your marriage to last. The current condition of your relationship was built over years. It won't be fixed in weeks or possibly even months, and certainly not just because you have been scared by the prospects of losing her.
Your eyes have been opened though, and that's a good thing. And as you have noted, you have a chance because of your wife's apparent willingness to stay.
Your job now is to take true and honest advantage of these positives.
Honestly assess yourself. Who you are now. Who you were when you were married. What has slipped. Where did you get hardened. What did she once love about you and what does she not love about you now. How much of her complaint against you is valid and what can you do about it.
This is painful stuff because it asks us to be honest with ourselves. By your own words, you pushed her away for years and sent the message that you did not desire or appreciate her. It takes time, patience, and compassion to undo such things.
But I don't want you to think it's all on you. The deal is that you can only change yourself, not her. You have to hope that if she begins to believe in your real changes, that possibly she will remember the man she once loved, and then perhaps she will begin to feel for you again.
Hard work. Are you up to it?
Oh, and the comment about not tolerating an affair? I smell what you're smoking. But I've also been around these parts for a few years and can tell you that reality is not as simple as we think. Affairs can be survived and healed.
A lot of this is up to you.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
