Thank you so much for the hugs. It was pretty rough--we came away with an agreement, but I haven't signed it yet (I am stalling--this is all so darn confusing!!)

I couldn't stop crying yesterday--no matter what, it's sad. And I let my H know I was not wanting this. Yesterday I was REALLY not wanting it, but today I'm a lot better--I'll be OK.

My H I think is being nice--he keeps going over the financial offer that was made, and we have come up with some new concerns and I got him to add that he would keep me on his health insurance for a couple of years.

He has offered a lump sum equal to about 3-4 years what I would get from a judge. My L thought I might do a little better, but not much worse, and was it worth a court case? Child support not that great, since he is continuing to pay for my son's private school.

And then 1/2 of everything we saved. It's not a fortune, but I can live. And possibly go to school, but that remains to be seen. And if for some reason I can't get a job soon, there is money to do absolutely nothing for a couple of years. He made me see that getting the house is the best way to go, and selling the trailer leaves me with less headaches and he will be responsible for 1/2 of the loss (which, it probably will have one).

He just wants out. He's a perfectionist, and this is the mess he has made, and he wants to start over fresh and clean somewhere else. The house is a shambles still, but part of the final draft will say he will be responsible for 1/2 of the necessary repairs. That means AT LEAST I can live in a decent place for a few years. I can sell when my son graduates and have some more equity since the house payments are mostly principal right now.

I have heard of people screwed by their H's right and left on these boards. That isn't happeing to me. I'm pretty shocked--evertything he is doing is decent to me.

So...being the ODD couple that we are....I freaked out about a pipe in the barn that was leaking. He came out and looked at it--he'll fix it Sunday. So then we go in the barn and he says "what else". I say, "you don't want to say that to me because I can find a lot of things." He says "what else". So I tell him about some fans I want removed, and a few more things--so weird that he is asking. SOOO....he grabs me by my shirt and pulls me towards him and says "I am NOT TRYING TO SCREW YOU--I WILL HELP YOU" (because part of my freaking out is saying that he is going to leave and I'll be alone with a huge house).

So then I say "wow--I thought you were going to kiss me!" and HE DOES! And I say, hey, that was fun, do it again! and he does! and so then I ask if he wants to get together later after S is in bed and he says "let's do it now" And WE DO!! IN the BARN!

I know, weird stuff. Guess I'm still piecing. Sort of.lol.