Pickle, I know this is contrary to coach and DB, and may be seen as pursuing, but since other things don't seem to be working, and you have seen sadness in her eyes when she was getting her pillow, why not try this:

Do all that DB says in this aspect: GAL, detach (do not get angry at what she says! do not let her moods affect you!), do not be reactive to the situation, act cheerful, act "as if" everthing will be OK, ignore her R and D talk, did not pursue by calling or texting too much, BUT:

Let her know of your love - tell her that you should be hating her with what she has done to you but instead you have discovered that your love is deep and unconditional, and whether she stays or leaves you will still love her. Very importantly, tell her you are not expecting love in reurn but that you cannot just keep your feelings bottled up insiode you. Do this ONCE only when an opportunity arises, or maybe write it, but DO NOT REPEAT, observe what happens. Do not talk to her about it though unless she opens up the topic.

Once in a while, touch and hug and show tenderness, but be careful, not too much!

Might be worth a try. If it pushes her away though, stop. remember the DR book which says try different tactics.

For me, going totally detached did not seem to work, it only seemd to push my H more toward the OW. Him knowing that I was there, loving him, not being angry when he expected me to, seemed to make him unsure.


Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18
Bomb: 6/26/10
EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ???
11/5/11 Retrouvaille
Finally piecing....
Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go