I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

Brain swirling today.

I was rereading "I Do Again," a book about this couple in Texas that divorced and then remarried 7 years later. Both the husband and wife write separate sections so you can see what was going through their heads.

I remember when I bought it last year how there were so many similarities in what the wife was saying and what I was hearing from STBXW.

Last night I was struck by how angry the husband was after the divorce. I didn't really worry about that last year.

They interacted a lot. They'd see each other several times a week because they had twin daughters who were 4 when they divorced, but he was so hurt by the end of the marriage he kept everything to just about the kids.

The things he was feeling is what I'm feeling now.

He finally started to get better four years after the divorce was final -- and two years after his ex- came to him and asked to reconcile.

It's not in the book -- but the thing I wonder about is if he would have ever let the anger go if she hadn't asked to reconcile. That changes the entire dynamic.

Of course, my brain also is swirling because I've also seen STBXW twice in the past two days and likely will run into her at one of D11's plays this weekend.

Last night ... D8 was over because she's sick and we're keeping her away from D11 ... and D8 didn't like the fact her grandmother is going to watch her on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

So she calls STBXW and they can't hear each other well on the cell so STBXW just comes over.

I had no idea. I'm still not good at acting "as if." They talked in the living room. I went and watched TV in my room. Eventually, I wandered out there to see when this was going to end. STBXW was finishing up and said something like "see ya."

I just closed the door behind her.

I don't get how people can like nothing ever happened, that this is "normal." I know she's struggling financially -- I'm getting the phone calls and the mail -- and I know it's hurting the girls. The biggest lie in life is that "the kids will adjust, they'll be fine." Kids do adjust, but they are never fine. It's a hole that never quite gets filled.

I've been trying to repeat my mantra "The best revenge is a life well lived" and pouring over the financial plans to look at ways I'm going to get myself on better footing financially.

It's just a thinking day today. Beginning tomorrow I have a pretty busy couple of weeks. Back to work.