Need Insight II

[angel61]

Yes, its all part of it. My H said all the same stuff, did all the blaming, and I actually believed him for a while! Everything you say is an attack, and accusation. The reasons for this:
1. They want to justify their A's by thinking it is all your fault and letting you know it IS your fault.
2. They want you to hate them so they feel justified in leaving you, or maybe they actually want you to be the one to leave.

In your case Pickle she seems to be putting the words in your mouth, about hating her. And I would imagine its because you do show your anger.
I used to also have an issue with anger - I had an uncontrollable temper and my H hated it.
When I started DB, I was able to control that and even if H said the most outrageous things, I would not answer at all, and actually turn the tables and hug him and say sorry, and contrary to DB, would tell him that one thing I learned from all this, is that I loved him unconditionally. I had to think this out carefully, but I realized that for me that was a 180 as I was not loving to him before the bomb.
I realized he noticed when he said one day, when he was again telling me about OW " I thought you should be slapping me with what I am telling you, I cannot understand why you are not angry...." and again, I just smiled and shrugged.