DBMod I did not overstretch the definition of abuse. What training to you have in the area of recovery from emotional abuse to make a statement like that?
Emotional abuse happens when one individual is harming another despite the fact the one being harmed has clearly let the abuser know their actions are harmful. And no, I am NOT talking about the harmful action of cheating or leaving. I am talking direct person to person contact. Emotionally manipulating, blackmailing and attempting to control anothers thoughts and actions is VERY abusive.
I NEVER suggested Mystik divorce her H because she did not want to save her marriage. I suggested Mysik divorce her H because he is not following the family court orders, he is not doing what he is supposed to be doing financially for HIS CHILD and his mistress is becoming very invested in Mystik's sons life.
As per the information she posted the ONLY way to stop or change those things is via legal channels. Mystik has ASKED her H to pay the money (he didn't then tried to blackmail her), she has ASKED her H to not have OW drive her son around (again, request denied) and she has ASKED her H not to change the schedule/times of child exchanges (he still does what he wants and has Mystik driving all over town at the last minute).
When you (generally speaking) are AFRAID and FEARFUL to the point of panic/anxiety/depression to create boundaries then you are being abused.
Flaunting his mistress in his W's face (and he has many, many times) is abusive. Demanding she comply with everything he says is abusive. Not paying the money he owes is abusive.
It is not even close to a normal reaction to have your teeth chattering when you have to pull up to the house where your H lives. It's a sign of deep anxiety that is now physical.
Not being able to sleep without obsessive thoughts, not doing anything social, not keeping a clean and neat home, not taking care of weight/health issues and being unable to focus on things aside from a WAS is a very, very serious problem. And yes, we all feel that way (to a degree) at first but this has been going on for almost 2 years. At that point one needs help.
Surviving on high doses of anxiety medication is a short term fix but that has not been the case here - Mystik has been on these meds since last summer.
I don't know your situation nor do I care to know (and if you think the few threads I have here even *begin* to cover when I endured, think again). Verbally abusing, emotionally manipulating, blackmailing, flaunting and withholding funds from the family ARE abusive.
The mere fact that Mystik's H thought he was above the law and failed to follow family court orders is an obvious sign he feels the rules of basic conduct don't apply to him.
And really - it's also pretty classic when an emotionally abused person has such a deep seeded need to please the abuser and win their approval. And sadly it seems Mystik has that need.
You are correct, not everybody here has been emotionally abused but when there *are* cases of abuse (and this is one of them) it is ESSENTIAL it's recognized and the people offering support are not crucified for suggesting they REMOVE THEMSELVES FROM FURTHER EMOTIONALLY HARM. One cannot get well when they keep getting harmed.
If Mystik wants to try and rebuild a marriage with this man that is great. But right now she needs to protect her health and money. She has ASKED her H to handle the money different and his response was blackmail. Now the next step is family court which will take care of many of the child issues.
It's very dangerous to downplay things are say I am stretching them when something very awful is taking place. Being bullied when you are in hell is not something I would wish on anybody.
