"In counseling i learned a possibly had a sex addiction and am currently taking medication. It has helped and other women are not a problem."
So the issue has moved from being a sexual one.. to being a controlling thing. What aspects of her life were you trying to control? Why did you feel you needed to control those things?
"She say i am the one that cheated and that she has been faithful for our entire relationship and she doesn't deserve this."
Just because she never cheated.. does not entitle her to lay all the blame on you. I feel fairly confident that you could list areas she was lacking also. This is not a competition. It is not tit-for-tat. No one should be keeping score. That statement is for you. DO NOT use those words near her at anytime in the near future.
"i feel she hasn't been able to love me cause of the other women and the jealous behavior and there is a trust issue."
Cheating does create a trust issue. It (cheating) typically does not create jealousy. What can you do now to build trust? What did you do after therapy to try and build trust?
"I wanna show her i can make her happy but i dont feel i can do it with us living apart."
Personally.. I think you both need a break from each other.
Here is what I want you to do...
Give me a post telling me about you. What your hopes and dreams were/are. I don't want you to give away too much info..
The kicker is you need to leave your wife, your marriage, and your kids out of this post.
"I never responded to that message but i know we dont have the money to file and i dont want to encourage her to file."
No matter the situation.. let her move the D forward. If she wants it.. let her take the action. You don't have to respond in any way. Is that clear? You can say.. that is not what I want and hang up the phone if she is talking to you. If it comes in a text form just ignore it. She wants it.. let her do it! You just sit on your hands and keep your mouth shut. I am being redundant so you understand how important this is right now. Any questions?
"i just panic when she says negative things about our marriage and i know i have to stop feeding into her negativity."
This is where your work starts. This is the 2nd most important thing. Trust me.. you are going to be tested. Do you understand the idea behind GAL? If you do.. jump to it. If you don't ask me to explain.
"I ask her what changes i needed to make and she provided a list but said there was two much to change and that she would be crazy to take me back as miserable as i make her."
Do you remember the list? Do you remember the order that they came out in?
Stop doing that!! Well stop arguing too.. but stop indicating that you are making a change with your words. Show her. Your goal is within the next month you want to hear the words "Wow" from her used in a positive light. Not "Wow you are a smug as$hole". I am half inclined to tell you to just stop talking all together. Keep your mouth closed as much as possible. Nod a lot.. smile.
"Yesterday i get a call from a girl that says my wife is seeing another man and that her friend was covering for her."
I need a solid answer here. Is her having a EA/PA a deal breaker for you? Understand I am going to hold you to what you respond. If you tell me "I don't know." I am going to assume that it is not.. and I am going to work from there. So the answer must be YES/NO/I don't know. Nothing more.. nothing less.
"Im living proof u dont know what u got till u lose it."
If she came back right now.. you would be right back here soon. You are hyper-focused right now.. give it some time.. lets get some ground work done.. and see where that takes us.
I am not going to lie to you.. you have so many things that are going on.. this is going to be hard!!
Just answer the questions.. keep posting.. "something" will happen.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
